Being of Life by bas

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Submission Name: Being of Life dots

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Author:	bas
ASL Info:	24/f/somewhere...
Elite Ratio:	4.94 - 42/48/35
Words:	182

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	224
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1234

Description:
I reread this piece and thought it is better with a few stenzas rearanged.

Being of Life dots

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Woken from slumber
into this place
how strange, all of
this anger and hate to persist.

A solitude is woven so deeply
beneath the skin and bones.
into the wings of spirit,
-within these walls.

A need for freedom
won't give me rest
"oh soar beyond
this cage!"
it says.

An ache shows its presence
with each beat of my heart,
and I know that the ghosts
-are right.

inside the wings of spirit
-beyond my skin and bones
beyond my walls

O silence with life,
to be - alive with life
these needs are woven
deeply into my core.

A longing, oh yes
this unrelenting being
lives inside, in the wings of spirit
-within these walls.

A hunger so powerful
gently paves the way for peace
it lys in the wings of spirit
-within these walls.

It is the knowledge of wholeness
that keeps my body alive

And all these ghosts
are enertwined
within the wings of my spirit
in my body--my walls.

Submitted on 2005-12-29 20:10:23 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  the poem is very meaningful, i found the stanzas easy to read and thought provoking, it feels like the writer feels somehow trapped in their body and that the spirit is longing to break free and go who knows where. outside of "these walls" of the human frame. or maybe that the persona just wants to experience more, or maybe both, i;m not sure exactly what it means but it feels like the "ghosts" are the chains that prevent this, the poem seems to deal with the human spirit of contradictions, wanting to be free and experience things and the need for inner peace and "wholeness". i loved this poem and it gave me a lot to think about!
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by freeangel | [ Reply to This ]
  I myself really cannot get my mind around what it really is you this is about. In fact, Jason's theory (which I saw unconditionally) is quite an interesting one, although I must say quite far-fetched. In fact now that I read the piece again, I am forced to disagree (sorry Jason).

Let's start with the beginning - the title. "Being of Life". Very attractive, it reflects the poem somewhat, although not entirely. Maybe it does suit the piece in a way, because what you have described as within you are the features of life.

Now, from the second verse onward, I find you are describing what is within you, within your "walls". I am perplexed when it comes to "the ghosts". Who are these ghosts. It just seems to make the poem all the more mysterious..

In fact, after further contemplation on the piece, I come to the conclusion that the ghosts are solitude, need, ache, silence, longing, hunger, and knowledge. Yes, that certainly makes much more sense.

Now that I have finally understood the basics of this piece, I find myself at a loss with the first stanza. What could that possibly have to do with the rest of the poem? I have read and re-read it and cannot find the connection. It must be hidden away somewhere in the mind of the writer, I suppose.

Looking past the first stanza, I find myself admiring this piece very much. It is strange how you've compared such things to ghosts. It's extrememly amusing, in fact. Perhaps you have done so because the feelings are "woven so deeply beneath the skin and bones into the wings of spirit, within these walls."

In all, it was a very intruiging piece, a tip of my hat to you, my dear. I certainly enjoyed analysing it although I may not have come close to the main conclusion. I will leave the ingenious to you, though.

Thank you for a wonderful read,

DeepDreamer2008
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
  I might be pulling this out an unseemly orafice but is this about pregnancy? I got that impression about half way through, especially with the repition of "within these walls".

It seems to be speaking about something that imparts both great hope and potential joy with an almost fevered concern for what may come.

Anyhow, the imagry is quite strong and clearly deeply felt. My only critisim is that some of your choices for line breaks and sentences are vague and tripped me up while reading it aloud. Nothing major though.

I found this very interesting.

Jason
| Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ]
  sometimes i am not sure if it is the spirit of me that needs to be realeased of this body or if my whole self needs to be free of this environment.. Your powm might mean something different to you, but I applaude you at the ability to reach the reader and to allow the reader to relate. What I really enjoy in this poem it relays both desperation and hope to the reader, something that our soul always struggles to balance. It almost seems that you want to know what is beyond, and your soul craves, on the other hand the creature seems to live in extremes, but always wanting more, wanting to live... to be free... maybe that's what we all are searching for in this life... what does freedom mean to us. Overall great write.
much love
kaity
| Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]

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