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What loss is more?

Author: Kaitylizzy
ASL Info:    20/female/Vermont
Elite Ratio:    8 - 284 /172 /36
Words: 265
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1179
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1554


I don't really like it all that much suggestions would be great.
much love to all

What loss is more?

What to do when the leaves starts to fall and mistakenly they fall upon your shoulder
was it you that shook the tree, was it you that turned the leaves into brilliance?
or in the end, was it me who broke a heart but gathered yours?
No this all was not meant to be.
The gods of the world crazy for the love,
but build a wall hindering the impossible.

Why her, how could I break her heart for you?
Best friends for life we would whisper at slumber parties,
telling forbidden secrets, trusting our instincts,
then you tell me: close your eyes and leap,
Finally trust your own.

NOT FAIR I want to scream,
two instincts, two sides pulling, yanking and tearing my heart,
two choices, both of love.
Maybe I should rake these leaves, place them back on the ground,
in neat piles, not to disturb,.
but the sun casts shadows, reminding always of a forbidden love.

Was that brush against my shoulder a moment to long?
Did she see, my forbidden?
Wait STOP!!!
Don’t hold me, don’t touch me, don’t even look,
for the danger is always there?

What loss is more, a lover or a friend,
are you for real, was this meant to be,
or is it all just a cruel twist in the woods?
Tell me do I take you, and leave her,
do a swallow and forever be yours,
or do I hold true to the slumber night promises?
For in the end is the fall really here?

Submitted on 2005-12-29 21:12:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Very confusing. I think that if you evaluated your poem and strung it together better it could be very good. As it is right now it's confusing but has potential.
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Angel_of_Hate | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this is kinda confusing with the leaves and all. At first im thinkin you like this guy then it sounds like you like a girl. I'm not sure if your go for both or not but to me it sounds that way. Nothin wrong with that if you do. I didn't see any pattern or rhyming in here. I mean parts did rhyme but not all. I do like the story behind this one. Maybe try to make it less confusing unless thats how it's meant to be. A lot of my poems may appear confusing like im talkin about one thing then another because I honestly think that way in life. I know you dont like the poem but maybe go back and see what you can change to like it more.
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]

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