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    dots Submission Name: Importance of Being Seendots

    Author: halopop
    ASL Info:    32/f/FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 167/141/21
    Words: 12
    Class/Type: Haiku/Serious
    Total Views: 1180
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 74

       this is my first attempt at Haiku... i think i got the structure thing ok .. but i'm not sure... if you don't like this, tell me please!

    - fifi

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsImportance of Being Seendots

    Look deeply into
    the center of my eyes and
    see only yourself

    Submitted on 2004-04-27 00:46:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The importance I get is that you are a good tutor. So much so that you have hypnotised your student or that the student has so thouroulygraped you teach the sutdent viewas you and he as one.
    | Posted on 2004-09-02 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      this is way out dated fifi, but i'm back lol...just reading more of your work, and i think you should get more into Haiku...your good at it. and as for myth's self indulgence in sharing their lack of self esteem...you know your good...so just have a good laugh at it
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Sky McEntire | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good message, and provides a creative metaphor. It's like that sort of nostalgia-ish feeling we get when we don't see our loved ones, and how in our eyes we long to keep them in our view. I like it :D. The only problem I have is the last line... Is there some different way you can reword it? Something doesn't seem right... Try different word usage. But other than that, your poem is simple and powerful. Nice piece :D.
    | Posted on 2004-04-27 00:00:00 | by PastelSky | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooh, this is nice. I love that it's got layers like an onion. You can take it on a literal or metaphorical level.
    | Posted on 2004-04-27 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      no that last comment was unfounded and totally untrue shove it myth whatever your name is fifi just write back and say thanks so you'll not get in trouble but don't respond other than that. (sorry when i get mad i tend to get bossy but im not mad at you so yeah) any way i thought this was pretty good considering i don't like haikus thats a pretty good comment as far as i'm concerned. any way nice write keep it up and don't listen to jelous people like myth something or other
    Crymson Regrets
    | Posted on 2004-04-28 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]

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