Description: I think this is better than the first version that I wrote. I had it under the title of "untitled" ,lol.
Son of The Damned Part 2 -------------------------------------------
Battle Scars
And broken jars
Abandoned homes
Where no one roams
This is the path he walks
These are the streets he stalks
The misanthrope
Who has no hope
Life's own minority
He follows no authority
He ignores his common sense
With numb belligerence
In a world of melodramatic fools
He says, "Fuck you and your rules"
He says with with acerbity
Says it all with acrimony
He hears the insults everyday
He hears all that they say
But he just bites his tounge
He'll just play dumb
Hates this town and all its decadence
With his prideful impudence
He says that life's a lie
And he cures it all by getting high
Can't see through the smoke and the haze
He'll break out of this one of these days
Number one in The Loser's Hall of Fame
He say's it proudly and without shame
He's the one that they idolize
Yet he's the one they victimize
So, he stands up and shouts his hate
Talks of the things he excorates
Raises both hands at their laudatory
Forgetting every bad memory
Speaks of himself as the Social Nightmare
Beg to differ with him if you dare
Because he's out of control and insubordinate
Hell's very own incarnate
Used to be everyone's laughing stock
Now he's lucky he's not on the court dock
He has a tendency to misbehave
Recklessly bold and brave
Never one to fall for to hypocrisy
A temper like a MIRV
The one whose life has misfired
Now he's stuck deep in the mire
Maladjusted and filled with malice
He's so sick of feeling like this
Like he's trapped in a cruel society
Unable to escape from his own anxiety
Lost in a reality that holds him back
Cornered in a daylight that's always black
Understanding that life's not fair
Whether he makes it through, he doesn't care
Once the Son of the Damned; now a monster
Created by his emotional blurs
He lives his life in the main stream
To block the feelings that tempt him to scream
Where to fall when you're going down in flames
He knows that there's only himself to blame
For everything that he did to them
For the lives that he would condemn
Ruler of The Lost and Found
King of a place called The Underground
Who cares if they don't care
Nothing matters, he's the Social Nightmare
this is why you should publish a book because you have so much talent that you should share what you know and what youve written around to help and inspirer others
ok this was better than the first i think too. but i have one question - inspirits coment took forever to scrole pass, NEXT TIME CAN YOU WRITE A LITTLE LESS! lol ok had to get that out. anyway about the poem, i iked the mood of it all, the anger and the proudness the person had was great even though he sounds like a loser who would be asahmed he's not. if that makes any sence at all. lol don't mind me rambling i'm sick and the medicine is very... o how should i say... persuasive or powerful in a way. but again im rambleing. i realy liked the clever ryhming and flow although there were 3 words i didnt get but i'll look them up. but i'm gona read more so c-ya
Okay this was long..and good. To me it's like a story rant if that makes any since..to anyone. lol. It was telling a story but..in a ranting kinda way...don't mind me i'm confusing myself. Anyways it was good. I don't think i read the first...if i did i don't remeber but anyways keep up the good work.
Hey toxic..it's good but better than the first...hm IDK it's kind of close...a fair toss up says this is better just cause you felt it needed to be. It's cool how the lines have alternate meanings each time you look at them but it's also cool that what the reader gets out of it is reflected off of who they are. I really liked this one...There was imagry and alot of GD in it...Do you like writing about dudes/from a dudes perspective? I realized I kind of do...lol. The wording was cool but towards the end it seemed to lose it's fluidity ( I KNOW it's not a word.) in just a few places...but hey at least no one should have a reason to think it was force ryhmed. Also this was a little long for my taste...like it was good but I found myself thinking a few places 'will it ever end' hehe did I just say my 'taste' ur right that's pretty [censored]ed up since when have I had one "taste" but u put up with my long writes and this one was worth the read so I think it's time I stop blabbering...lsfadklahgiajlkjg aif jaigjioajdhg zdg jahgiodjaf ia ok lol I'm done with that. good write peace. ~silent
first I will see if I can break this up into independent stanzas. if I use brackets [ ] it is to correct the word or any corrective measures. if I use parenthesis ( ) that means perhaps you might want to change something like using another word or phrase. doubled parenthesis (( )) is my offer of a replacement word, phrase, or entire sentence. (~side comments) also if you copy and paste make sure to remove all [ ], ( ), and (( )) also I’ll put an asterisk * on all the words I had to look up. I don’t mess around with these writes if there is something I don’t know I look it up.
st1 Battle Scars And broken (jars) Abandoned homes Where no one roams This is the path he walks These are the streets he stalks ~ tone is exceptionally enjoyable here
st2 [This] misanthrope * Who has no hope Life's own minority He follows no authority He ignores his common sense With numb belligerence
st3 In a world of melodramatic fools He says, "F*uck you and your rules" ((and)) says with acerbity* ~took out extra “with” Says it all with acrimony* He hears the insults everyday (He hears) all that they say ~might want to use something other than “he hears”
st4 But he just bites his [tongue] He'll just play dumb Hates this town and all its decadence With his prideful impudence* He says that life's a lie And he cures it all by getting high
st5 Can't see through the smoke and the haze He'll break out of this one of these days Number one in The Loser's Hall of Fame ~ love that He say's it proudly and without shame He's the one that they idolize Yet he's the one they victimize
st6 So, he stands up and shouts his hate Talks of the things he [excoriates]* Raises both hands at their laudatory* Forgetting every bad memory Speaks of himself as the Social Nightmare ~also like that a lot too.
st7 Beg to differ with him if you dare Because he's [unabashedly] insubordinate Hell's very own incarnate ~~love it! love it! Used to be everyone's laughing stock Now he's lucky he's not on the court dock
st8 He has a tendency to misbehave Recklessly bold and brave Never one to fall for to hypocrisy A temper like a MIRV The one whose life ((set to)) [misfire] Now he's stuck deep in the mire ~ for continuity
st9 Maladjusted and filled with malice He's so sick of feeling like this Like he's trapped in a cruel society Unable to escape from his own anxiety Lost in a reality that holds him back Cornered in a daylight that's always black
st10 Understanding that life's not fair Whether he makes it through, he doesn't care Once the Son of the Damned; now a monster Created by his emotional blurs He lives his life in the main stream To block the feelings that tempt him to scream
st11 Where to fall when you're going down in flames He knows that there's only himself to blame For everything that he did to them For the lives that he would condemn Ruler of The Lost and Found King of a place called The Underground Who cares if they don't care Nothing matters, he's the Social Nightmare ~thought italics looks cool.
now it’s time for WORDS I DON’T KNOW (or need a refresher on!)
misanthrope- a person who hate or distrusts all people
acerbity- 1. sourness 2. sharpness of temper, words, etc.
acrimony- bitter or harshness of manner of speech
impudence- shamelessly bold, insolent
excoriates-to denounce harshly
laudatory-expressing praise, commendatory.
the scars are good but I do have a little trouble with the Jars. I don’t know if there is a much deeper meaning there or if it is just a personal vision. Jars can be something depending on what culture is looked at. when I think of a jar I think of something you put loose change in or something that holds a condiment. did you know that in ancient Greece children were put into jars after death? and in Egypt organs were placed into jars as well? they do seem to have a darker history attached to them.
I do tend to like some of the attributes of this character being a minority and not wanting to follow authority though many times when we think we aren’t, we actually are.
now there are a few things here that are beyond me even a little odd, though it doesn’t take away from the charm of the verse they are: Son of the Damned, Ruler of The Lost and Found, The Underground. now these are capitalized are these groups, clubs, or certain local activities?
very interesting write you have here, I like it well done,
this is good! but i agree stanzas will make it easier to read. but this is good the rhyming went away a bit toward the end! but i like it!good job! ~akaila evonne~
The rhyming in this is brilliant and you were able to amintain it throughout the entire piece, a truly magnificent talent. well done really I have nothing bad to say about this at all, it was long but it was so interesting and engaging that I did not lose interest in it all. Well done.
Very well written, Im tryin' to figure out how you did so well with the rhyming for sooo long...pure talent maybe? he, but I like the moral of this poem it was a battle of plots, emotions and such.
Ruler of the Lost and Found...I like that line. I bet every person who reads this could come up with a different idea of what that phrase means. I agree that the rhyming got a little dicey for a bit and a typo jumped out at me (tongue) but those are just my own pet peeves. Over all I like this. You have a gift for unusual word choices and that makes your poetry especially enjoyable to me.
It's good, but maybe it should be broken into stanzas. It's like it keeps going on, and even though you want to read it, it seems like it never ends. Also, you lost a little bit of your rhyme and flow towars the end, but you got it back again. Cheers, ~Sephe~
Submission Name: Son of The Damned Part 2
.) in just a few places...but hey at least no one should have a reason to think it was force ryhmed
. Also this was a little long for my taste...like it was good but I found myself thinking a few places 'will it ever end' hehe did I just say my 'taste' ur right that's pretty [censored]ed up since when have I had one "taste" but u put up with my long writes and this one was worth the read so I think it's time I stop blabbering...lsfadklahgiajlkjg aif jaigjioajdhg zdg jahgiodjaf ia ok lol I'm done with that. 
well done,