[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Just you and medots

    Author: D McDaniel
    ASL Info:    60/M/CT
    Elite Ratio:    5.57 - 266/222/62
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 962
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 971

       Just you and me…

    Just you and me was written for the mother of a young man named Jason, who had just died at 27 years of age. He had been in the “Boys” scouting group at our church that I was part of 17 years ago, and I remember that he and his mother, who was a single parent escaping to Connecticut from California, were especially close.

    I was recently blessed, by being able to read it at Jason’s funeral. After reading it, his mother said that it was the most beautiful poem she had ever seen, and as she and I looked at Jason in the coffin together, she said to me… “That’s the man he became!”

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust you and medots

    When I was a boy, you’d look at me,
    and wonder what a man I’d be.

    You’d lift me up when I was down,
    and turn to smiles my every frown.

    We’d play alone, just you and me,
    ‘cause we were two, instead of three.

    My cuts and scrapes you’d always fix,
    and always laugh when I played tricks.

    Through silly, sad, or serious,
    they all could see that it was us…

    Just you and me!

    But, I was a boy, and I’d look at you,
    and feel your love that was so true.

    So every day, the world would see,
    some change that you had made in me.

    I’d feel the tears roll down your cheek,
    when times were bad, or they got bleak.

    And I’d lift you up when you were down,
    and turn to smiles your every frown.

    ‘Cause, as a boy you looked at me,
    and wondered ‘bout the man I’d be.

    Submitted on 2005-12-30 07:02:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very moving poem. Very nicely written and expressed. I can relate to this poem in a way that probably not many can. My dad was only 26 when he was killed in the military. As I read this I could picture my grandmother and him together as he was growing up and I could apply this to their relationship. To this day she still mourns his loss and it has been 29 years since he died. Losing a child at such a young age is devestating. I learned this from my grandmother and the pain she has lived with since he was killed. This is a lovely poem. I am sure it would touch anyone who has been through a similar situation. Very nicely done indeed. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      What a moving, emotional poem!!
    This is what every parent would love to hear from one of their children.
    I agree with Steve! I'd give it a #10!
    Very beautiful piece...

    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I can only imagine how happy you made his mother...
    with your honest words...and that is the key here...
    honesty...no flowery tribute ...just the truth...
    that makes this real and accessible...
    you have kept him alive with this one...
    not many people could bring a person back to life with there words...
    simply moving..
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      You got me with your heart-wrenching description and then with this tear-jerking piece, it's too much I've got to go hug my mother right now.

    In Tears,
    P.S. Good write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is about your feelings toward your mother. Times change you grow up. Things aren't the same and you aren't coddled as much. I thought the rhyming scheme was kind of plain but your message was received loud and clear.
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Fraser | [ Reply to This ]
      Donn, WOW!!

    This was so moving! Just beautiful!!
    What a lovely tribute to Jason and his mom.
    Every thing came together the meter, rhyme the content.

    It was so touching how he comforted her in the same way she comforted him.

    As far as I'm concerned this is publishable!!


    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the poem! It reminded me of my mom and how she raised 5 kids alone and for years, it was just "us" in this world. It moved me to tears for this mother. I too have lost a child, and know the pain is like no other. I'm happy you were happy able to read this at his funeral. I'm sure she cherished that kind act very much. Your flow was good and the rhyming was good. I will fav this.

    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]