Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Just you and medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: D McDaniel
    ASL Info:    60/M/CT
    Elite Ratio:    5.57 - 266/222/62
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1008
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 971



    Description:
       Just you and me…

    Just you and me was written for the mother of a young man named Jason, who had just died at 27 years of age. He had been in the “Boys” scouting group at our church that I was part of 17 years ago, and I remember that he and his mother, who was a single parent escaping to Connecticut from California, were especially close.

    I was recently blessed, by being able to read it at Jason’s funeral. After reading it, his mother said that it was the most beautiful poem she had ever seen, and as she and I looked at Jason in the coffin together, she said to me… “That’s the man he became!”


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust you and medots
    -------------------------------------------


    When I was a boy, you’d look at me,
    and wonder what a man I’d be.

    You’d lift me up when I was down,
    and turn to smiles my every frown.

    We’d play alone, just you and me,
    ‘cause we were two, instead of three.

    My cuts and scrapes you’d always fix,
    and always laugh when I played tricks.

    Through silly, sad, or serious,
    they all could see that it was us…

    Just you and me!

    But, I was a boy, and I’d look at you,
    and feel your love that was so true.

    So every day, the world would see,
    some change that you had made in me.

    I’d feel the tears roll down your cheek,
    when times were bad, or they got bleak.

    And I’d lift you up when you were down,
    and turn to smiles your every frown.

    ‘Cause, as a boy you looked at me,
    and wondered ‘bout the man I’d be.




    Submitted on 2005-12-30 07:02:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very moving poem. Very nicely written and expressed. I can relate to this poem in a way that probably not many can. My dad was only 26 when he was killed in the military. As I read this I could picture my grandmother and him together as he was growing up and I could apply this to their relationship. To this day she still mourns his loss and it has been 29 years since he died. Losing a child at such a young age is devestating. I learned this from my grandmother and the pain she has lived with since he was killed. This is a lovely poem. I am sure it would touch anyone who has been through a similar situation. Very nicely done indeed. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      What a moving, emotional poem!!
    This is what every parent would love to hear from one of their children.
    I agree with Steve! I'd give it a #10!
    Very beautiful piece...

    Smiles,
    ~Linda
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I can only imagine how happy you made his mother...
    with your honest words...and that is the key here...
    honesty...no flowery tribute ...just the truth...
    that makes this real and accessible...
    you have kept him alive with this one...
    not many people could bring a person back to life with there words...
    simply moving..
    Swanne
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      You got me with your heart-wrenching description and then with this tear-jerking piece, it's too much I've got to go hug my mother right now.

    In Tears,
    Jermaine.
    P.S. Good write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is about your feelings toward your mother. Times change you grow up. Things aren't the same and you aren't coddled as much. I thought the rhyming scheme was kind of plain but your message was received loud and clear.
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Fraser | [ Reply to This ]
      Donn, WOW!!

    This was so moving! Just beautiful!!
    What a lovely tribute to Jason and his mom.
    Every thing came together the meter, rhyme the content.

    It was so touching how he comforted her in the same way she comforted him.

    As far as I'm concerned this is publishable!!

    Steve

    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved the poem! It reminded me of my mom and how she raised 5 kids alone and for years, it was just "us" in this world. It moved me to tears for this mother. I too have lost a child, and know the pain is like no other. I'm happy you were happy able to read this at his funeral. I'm sure she cherished that kind act very much. Your flow was good and the rhyming was good. I will fav this.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    85970

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    The Promise written by annie0888
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    This written by Chelebel
    To written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Incubus written by monad
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry