Somewhere by onetruesmartass

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Somewhere dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	onetruesmartass
ASL Info:	30/F/Wa
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 934/791/77
Words:	185

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	434
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1210

Description:
I gotta get away from it all

Somewhere dots

-------------------------------------------

Everywhere I go
It seems to be
Someone just has to have
Some small part of me.

Whether it's time and attention,
Maybe something I possess,
I'm ready to run screaming
And let them have this mess.

Is it so bad,
Ugly, rude and mean
To want just one thing
That only belongs to me?

I'm not asking for much,
Just a place to go.
Somewhere only for me
When there's too much at home.

Somewhere I can vent
And no one gets mad.
I can jump up and down
screaming words that are bad.

I can have thousands of friends
Or absolutely none.
A place where it's ALWAYS my choice
With whom I have fun.

A place where no one knows me
From my real life.
I don't have to be a mother
Don't have to be a wife.

If I make a friend
I don't have to share.
I can say what I want,
Do what I dare.

It might seem selfish
and not very kind.
But oh how I'd love somewhere
That's just mine.

Submitted on 2005-12-30 17:34:36 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Yes it's a great sentiment shared obviously by many people in this community.
I like our conveyence and the rhythmic nature is which it is delivered is a great enhancement.

Well done!
| Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
  haven't we all had moments where we feel this way...though i don't really see this as a selfish thought .everyone needs a moment to themself to breath and sometimes others are asking so much they dont give you a chance to breath. i've had these moments and its frustrating. i really enjoyed this but the nursery ryhme style really plays down the frustration of the write. but i enjoyed it anyways. sometimes we just need to get everything out...purps
| Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
  Good sentiment and very well written. I think that this is a feeling we all feel now and then. RUN! SCREAM! ESCAPE!! I know I feel that way a lot. If work isn't on the phone (one job or another), there's always kids needing something, or the car needing something...

I'm not complaining of course my life is superb. Still, there are occasional times that I would set it all aside for day (as long as I had a guarantee that I get it all back LOL)

The part of your writing I liked best:
Somewhere I can vent
And no one gets mad.
I can jump up and down
screaming words that are bad.
I can just see you jumping up and down screaming!

The part of your writing I liked least:
The quantity. We need more poems woman!! :)

Steve
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  The only thing wrong with this poem I can see is that the third stanza has no rhyme scheme at all. Other than that... HOLY [Censored] The poem is great. I'd love to have a place of my own too. Looking for more. 4.5/5
-Brian
| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey there Traci,

I feel what you are talking about here. I seem to have that same problem with my mother. I live with one of her friends, BIG mistake ha ha she asks what I do, what I eat, how I look, my habits, everything. I can’t get away. so I do feel ya. it is almost like you wanna get away and join up a nun convent but then again you’ll be a nun. You’d have to clean stained glass windows, handle hymn books, listen to sermons, and sing in a choir; right next to sister boombah who likes to cut the cheese every time a c note is hit. And let me tell you I’d be right there although I would like rather funny in a penguin suit. So bad plan let’s not go with the nun option just yet. ok almost perfect rhyming here I thought perhaps I could take the three stanzas and see if I can plug something there and if you want you keep it if not tell me to wear a nun’s suit and stick my head up miss boombah’s arse ok here goes:

ST3
Is it so bad,
mean, rude, and ugly
To want just one thing
That only belongs to me?

close but not really perfect. oh well didn’t want to totally change it.

ST4
I'm not asking for much,
Just a place to go.
Somewhere only for me
where home life can blow

ST9
It might seem selfish
and not very kind.
But oh how I'd love somewhere
I can have that piece of mind

anyhow I tried. I hope I helped a little and if not at least a tiny laugh thinking of me in a nun suit with my head shoved up another nun’s arse take care Traci ,

~mike
| Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  im in love with your poetry! it feels as if your saying this i could never find the words to express! wow...when u find that place please let me know! send me a memo or something i need a vacation from this thing called life!
| Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by princess-india | [ Reply to This ]
  Amen to that, Traci. A place that's "just mine". To go and vent, play, be mean, be good, be myself, etc. No obligations! Wow! Yep...I need that!

** Nodding "YES" to every line. **

Do you remember that old TV ad, "Calgon, take me away"??

This reminds me of that...LOL.

Nice write!
~Sandra
| Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this and the simplicity of it. Nice muse on a feeling everyone feels. I dont think its selfish to ask for such a place because if it really makes you happier and makes it easier for you to be a better wife, mother, friend and co-worker...then cool beans with that man. Anything to be a productive member of society rather than a pity party depression attict I say, HA!
Nice write SCOURGE!
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  selfish it is not

we all want a place like this
a place where people will just leave us the [censored] alone.
but to me it seems as I get older that place is drifting away at a very fast place.

~shawn

nice venting
| Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice little rant/wish/dream, one that most people would relate to at many times in their lives.

I guess that's why it's great to have a good imagination, coz that's where "somewhere" is, it ain't out there...it's inside.

That's why you're surviving.

neatly done, Travi, simple and sweet.

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, the rhyme scheme is very juvenile.

However the words really work for what you are trying to accomplish.

"This is my child, do you want him? Fine! You can have him"

"Who the hell are you and why are you looking at me like I'm the only thing left floating in broth"

"Keep your greasy hands off my tits mister"

"I know how a [censored] car works buddy, and you are trying to rip me off"

"We are just friends David, stop propositioning me."

Thank goodness for our warm unmade beds.
They are never asking, but always offering.

Have a great new year.
MyX
| Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
  I think all of us need a break once in awhile. I know my outlet is my horses! Who knows what kinda psychopath I'd be without my horseys!
I take it this poem was just venting, so I won't comment too deeply :)
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Aelfled | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.