never loved by _:insane2sane:

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Submission Name: never loved dots

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Author:	_:insane2sane:_
Elite Ratio:	4.65 - 9/8/2
Words:	81

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nostalgia
Total Views:	237
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	590

Description:
i dont know if this fits perfectly in the class of poetry but i decided to leave it as i put it.
these were the words of my feeling in the moment and its the first thing i have posted on this site.
i hope everyone enjoys this & helps me out with any mistakes...
(if it didnt make sence to u,i'd understand.)

never loved dots

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i've heard
thou shalt not inquire for love,
but words do not mean anything
if the distraut heart will not listen.
and pity does not feel accepted
still,the longing feels induced
with belonging as the object.

"wisdom speaks as knowledge listens"
does anyone care?
are meanings wasted?

false intention interupts the goal
as the want dies into nothing more.
the soul cried out
but no-one was there.
i know how it feels
when nobody cares..

.

Submitted on 2005-12-30 18:48:48 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  it's okay. some of us do care. I've been the one among my friends who often writes the eulogies at funerals, and i've written a few. I'm 15, but have a good comprehension on death and hopelessness. (check the poem about My Box of Ashes).My ear is always open if you have something to say.
| Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by diamonds_2_dust | [ Reply to This ]
  "You could change 'thou shalt not enquire for love' to 'One must not ask for love' because many readers do not like the older English. I do not mind myself but it's a thought you might consider. A very well wrote piece by the way.
-Mugs-
| Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by mugsy | [ Reply to This ]
  Let me start off by saying that the pic spoke plenty for your poem, I absolutely loved it.
I like the scriptured/old english jargon you used here, I myself use this form for most of my writes. Not many can do this though, because they don't know how to correctly make it work. You are brilliant. The plot was serious and it brought out a well situation.
Congrats!
| Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
  not bad, seemed to have kinda its own meaning to you, witch is nice when the reader can tell you put extra effort to make it something special to you
| Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by CamDynasty | [ Reply to This ]
  im not a real poem person, but i really liked yours. especially the last part. But i think the middle could be beafed up a little more.
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by draco-joe | [ Reply to This ]
  it seems that my nights goin the way ur poem is.. no one relly cares so i enjoyd the piece.
its hard to not inquire for love when youve already had a taste tho, you always want more.
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
  Honestly, I did enjoy this piece, for a first post it was well done. Don't forget your poncuation and capitalization, it does give more impact to the piece.

"i've heard
thou shalt not inquire for love,
but words do not mean anything
if the distraut heart will not listen.
and pity does not feel accepted
still,the longing feels induced
with belonging as the object. "

I'm sure you already know this, but capitalize the very first letter (I've) Oh and the part where "if the distraut heart will not listen.
and pity does not feel accepted" I think "and" should be capitalized because you put a period at the end of that line before, really you shouldn't have "and" at all.
Other then that, very nice.

Karios
| Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Karios | [ Reply to This ]

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