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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Watching Mason Playdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Side of Keen
    ASL Info:    43/F/Middle of the US
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 21/23/5
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 703



    Description:
       Written for my son.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWatching Mason Playdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Between parted kitchen curtains
    I see you playing in the yard,
    Pockets full of boy treasures,
    Hair full of sunshine and sweat.

    My heart beats double-
    Once in love, once in envy.

    Tell me why you laugh
    Watching ants march over dandelions.
    And what battles did you win today
    With your oak branch sword?

    Remind me who I was
    Before the years covered me
    Like layers of wet leaves
    Covering forgotten toys.

    Help me see the world
    From three feet high.
    Down there-
    Where magic was legal tender
    And God wore workboots
    And carried a tin lunch box.




    Submitted on 2005-12-30 23:29:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the line about age "Remind me who I was
    Before the years covered me
    Like layers of wet leaves
    Covering forgotten toys." was definitly my favorite! what i liked is how you saw the world as a child does "battles" very nice!
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by badfish | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that the stanza Amy referred to means the loss of innocence and of wanting to grasp that way of looking at life again... am I right? That's what I get from it.

    There's just enough imagery here to get a mental picture - the details are what counts - and I think that you've left it open enough so that anyone with a son can read this and perhaps put their son in this piece instead - thereby empathizing with it and putting their own vision into it. Which is a good thing.

    I think we all want to be innocent again and this poem epitomizes that feeling. Where life was about the imagination and the feeling of freedom and excitement while playing in the backyard.

    My playground was 200+ acres when I was growing up on a farm. Native bush, animals galore - it was utopia for a little boy, I can tell you that!

    A moving piece Brenda. Written simply and with touching insight.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      "For my part I can sense what you mean by 'the years covering you like outgrown toys' for that is exactly what happens to toys that are abandoned in the yard. Being a senior I would also like to see the world (again) from 3 feet high and even laugh at ants (as my grandaughter does)-Excellent piece-Mugs-
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by mugsy | [ Reply to This ]
      aw, this is sweet. It's very tender. I enjoyed reading it. The last stanza made me giggle a little bit. The fourth stanza irked me a bit
    "Before the years covered me
    Like layers of wet leaves
    Covering outgrown toys"
    I'm not sure why, but I really felt that outgrown toys should be abandoned, not covered with layers of wet leaves like a forgotten toy.
    But that's just me. Anyway, nice write!
    happy new year!
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by fabulousAMY | [ Reply to This ]


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