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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To a dear frienddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wordsofmind
    ASL Info:    18/F/Quebec, Canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 178/180/57
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 271
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1014



    Description:
       This is my second attempt in rhyming when it comes to poems. I admit, it sounds a bit forced. Although, it has great meaning behind it. A dear friend of mine left for another city. I've been friends with her since I was 9. It is never simple to say goodbye to someone who is dear to you in whichever circumstances, that is all I can say. If there are any suggestions to modify it to make it less forced, I'm always open to it. Thank you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo a dear frienddots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was a two-hour journey to a land two hours away.
    You have no friends there or a compass to guide you the way.
    Difficult, would be the just word to describe your position
    And easier said than done for you to recondition.

    You left your noble beau and faithful friend behind,
    For who your reminiscences go over in your mind.
    Their unique love and friendship, you can never trade.
    Even for eternal bliss that the Devil could have made.

    Stand up and smile. It aches within, but don’t shed a tear.
    Be tough, hopeful, determined, and have no fear.
    It’s only the end of a chapter, but not of the story.
    It will take time, but you will restore your glory.

    Never forget, no matter the distance between you and me
    Our strong as rock friendship will never cease to be.
    For they say, “The road to a friend’s house is never long.”
    We will support each other in times of right and wrong.




    Submitted on 2005-12-31 01:58:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm the opposite to you, i use rhyme in my poems more than i should really, but i find that it suits my style and that you can vreate a certain pace to any piece when you add rhyme.
    As far as rhyming goes i think this is a tremendous effort for someone who barely uses rhyme in their poems, and the message was loud and clear, all the feelings were put across in an excellent fashion.
    The friendship you described here sounds like such a strong force it's unreal and it comes through so well in this piece. I personally didn't think it felt very forced, but then i am only using my own work to compare and after reading this, i don't think my stuff really holds up.
    Continue using your rhyming schemes, i feel i've learnt from reading this.
    Take Care
    Danny
    | Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]
      In general, this was a well written tribute to a special friend (with moments of tremendous power, 'The road to a friend's house is never long'-beautifully put). I think some minor revisions are in order (second line-'guide your way', sixth line-'left to reminisce in your tumbling mind(?)'), but the overall structure is quite sound and the sentiments seem unforced and natural. Nicely, nicely done. Please, continue to experiment. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]



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