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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vapour Traildots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Th_Plonk
    Elite Ratio:    6.38 - 41/41/10
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 208
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2239



    Description:
       Ever had one of those mornings when you just wished you could fly away...

    Well you can't, ya tool. You're stuck here. Don't talk to me or make eye contact. Or with anyone else on this bus. Don't disturb the bleak and solemn atmosphere.

    ;).


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVapour Traildots
    -------------------------------------------


    The sky's almost as high as they say it is.
                                        Steel grey, not blue.
                                        and fiercely cold.

    Somewhere up there sunlight
                         flashes off metal
                                       impossibly high
                                       incredibly fast
                                       chasing the sun
                                       spinning white cloud

    But we're earthbound.
    The bus still hasn't come.
    We're late for work.
    We aren't looking at each other.
    We're all staring at the sky.
    We're all thinking the same thing.



    Loop-the-Loop, buddy. Cmon.
    Do a Big                Fat                Loop.



    ...yeah




    Submitted on 2005-12-31 04:43:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this. beautifully writen, just a stream though your mind & thoughts.
    I love the begining, quite captivating.

    Nice discriptions of the sky & atmosphere... then ya gotta ruin it with reality..
    we're earth bound...
    thanks bunches.

    So we go on with the reality that we are waiting for the bus & late for work in our boring lives but we all want to see him do a loop, how totally cool are those? very.

    Great stuff here
    thanks for the read, extreamly well writen.
    take care
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      We all do that, given time and the opportunity. Watch that vapor trail just shooting out the back or sides of that jet. My son asks why is it going so slow, then I have to explain that one. We don't see too many loops, too bad.

    I like when the larger than life aspect of the aircraft in flight comes crashing down to the reality check of our being stuck on the ground and not even moving at that. At least everyone watching is being entertained.

    Remember, it's better to be late to work than late at work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt my neck strain reading this, like I had spent too long looking up. Not usually one for visual effects in poetry I liked the seperations here because it grounded (excuse the uninteded pun) the piece well and helped established the feeling of distance.

    I felt fully enmeshed in the scene. I also liked the visual descriptions. I've always been struck by the qualities of light at altitude.

    Jason The [censored]
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice bit of whimsy involving earthbound reality and the glories of flight (if escapism were an airline, we'd never touch land again). Imagine the poem someone aboard the flight you witnessed could write about you as they hung motionless (at least from their perspective) in space. For a split second, you'd both be frozen in time. Very nicely done. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]



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