Onion of Happiness by Smee

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Submission Name: Onion of Happiness dots

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Author:	Smee
ASL Info:	17/M/UK
Elite Ratio:	2.94 - 28/33/11
Words:	60

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	210
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	340

Description:
Hey who says depression can't be funny.

Onion of Happiness dots

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The onion of my happiness, gets smaller everyday,
For every time I hold my onion I take a layer away.
With my weary fingers I remove another skin
And now I start to see that my onion’s getting thin.
With every single layer I get closer to my core
And with every single layer, I weep a little more.

Submitted on 2005-12-31 12:25:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Onion, never would have ever thought to use that as your metaphor, it is brillant. An onion is one of those things that your dread to peal, just reminded me that it is hard to dig deep inside to see the layers of junk that holds who we are trapped. The last line, And with every single layer, I weep a little more.. is so true. I really enjoyed this simple but powerful.
| Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Artist4rent | [ Reply to This ]
  Comparing an onion with happiness realy made me think. Good comparison. Nicely built up, Flow is ok, but i'd remove the last 'And'. In my opinion flow would do better without.
| Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
  i really liked how unique this was. but perhaps getting to the core would could be more of a positive thing. maybe once we face our true selves, our core, we can really see who we are and then we can know who we should strive to become.
| Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ]

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