Description: i had a strange pattern scheme with this poem...on the 2nd and last line in each verse one of the sounds in the last word was the same...but the words don't rhyme.
about the poem...i dont know, its self explanitory?
What if? -------------------------------------------
If I swam agains't the current
Or flew through the sky,
If I reached out and touched the stars
Would God be at my side?
If I loved every person
Just as I love myself
Would God be there watching me?
His hand I'd use for help.
Would God be there to guide me
If I fell from his road?
Would he ever hold me back
If I tried to go?
Would God protect my weaknesses
If I did believe?
In my heart I'll always know
Someones watching me.
short and sweet.asking questions is always attractive in a write 4 me personally.ryme was cool and the second stanza was my favorite.if youre like me=its probably backwards=u love others a lot more than youreself=i do hope this is not the case.
one of the more powerfull writes 4 it to be so short=that ive read
i have to agree with beatthedrum. and godminion. and rue for that matter. this is a great poem. i agree that it is a very powerful poem, that you get a little bit of who you are through this, and that the last line would read better if it was done how rue suggested. keep it up. this is a great write and i can see a lot of potential in this. i can't wait to see what you come up with next. great job, fave add for sure.
I can feel some of you in this poem, i too feel like this sometimes... the only thing i find strange is even though the syllable count is correct in each line, something sounds off, im not sure what it is, maybe you tried to do it, or maybe my mind just isnt reading it right, but it seems sort of off to me... but keep writing, it was good. i dont mean to push or anythin, but i would appreciate if you read some of my poems, maybe you could learn somethin new, and maybe i could...
As to the pattern, alliteration, assonance and consonance along with metaphor, simile and pun are important parts of a poet's toolbox. It isn't always about rhyme.
They are used well here.
Would god be there watching me? Is there a reason that god is not capitalized here?
This poem flows nicely, the scheme is good despite the lack of rhyme. I'm not into religious under/overtones in poetry, but I think the last verse would be stronger if it read Would God protect my weaknesses If I didn't believe?, instead of did. Well, that's about it. Peace out. -rue
Submission Name: What if?
