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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What if?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DanceADream
    ASL Info:    16 f canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.05 - 205/153/29
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1017
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 588



    Description:
       i had a strange pattern scheme with this poem...on the 2nd and last line in each verse one of the sounds in the last word was the same...but the words don't rhyme.
    about the poem...i dont know, its self explanitory?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat if?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I swam agains't the current
    Or flew through the sky,
    If I reached out and touched the stars
    Would God be at my side?

    If I loved every person
    Just as I love myself
    Would God be there watching me?
    His hand I'd use for help.

    Would God be there to guide me
    If I fell from his road?
    Would he ever hold me back
    If I tried to go?

    Would God protect my weaknesses
    If I did believe?
    In my heart I'll always know
    Someones watching me.





    Submitted on 2005-12-31 12:48:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      short and sweet.asking questions is always attractive in a write 4 me personally.ryme was cool and the second stanza was my favorite.if youre like me=its probably backwards=u love others a lot more than youreself=i do hope this is not the case.

    one of the more powerfull writes 4 it to be so short=that ive read

    peace
    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I like the loose rhyme that you've used, it works very well.

    The subject is one that many can identify with, the eternal question of "is there actually a God...and if there is...."

    Nicely done, I liked this a lot,

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      i have to agree with beatthedrum. and godminion. and rue for that matter. this is a great poem. i agree that it is a very powerful poem, that you get a little bit of who you are through this, and that the last line would read better if it was done how rue suggested. keep it up. this is a great write and i can see a lot of potential in this. i can't wait to see what you come up with next. great job, fave add for sure.
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by frozenflame | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel some of you in this poem, i too feel like this sometimes... the only thing i find strange is even though the syllable count is correct in each line, something sounds off, im not sure what it is, maybe you tried to do it, or maybe my mind just isnt reading it right, but it seems sort of off to me... but keep writing, it was good. i dont mean to push or anythin, but i would appreciate if you read some of my poems, maybe you could learn somethin new, and maybe i could...

    God Bless,
    Josh
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by godsminion | [ Reply to This ]
      A very sweet poem. It has a simple pure feel.

    As to the pattern, alliteration, assonance and consonance along with metaphor, simile and pun are important parts of a poet's toolbox. It isn't always about rhyme.

    They are used well here.

    Would god be there watching me?
    Is there a reason that god is not capitalized here?

    Nicely done

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem flows nicely, the scheme is good despite the lack of rhyme. I'm not into religious under/overtones in poetry, but I think the last verse would be stronger if it read Would God protect my weaknesses
    If I didn't believe?, instead of did. Well, that's about it. Peace out. -rue
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]


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