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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In The Day Of A Broken Souldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ArtichokeMosher
    ASL Info:    15/F/PA
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 146/201/81
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 216
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 535



    Description:
       I was in a writing mood...and I dont know...this is what came out of it I guess.This is pretty much what happens to me anymore...how it is in one day.


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    dotsIn The Day Of A Broken Souldots
    -------------------------------------------


    As the sun rises,
    The stars fall.
    As day comes,
    She gives in she gave her all.

    As the sun stays high,
    The clouds fade.
    As noon breaks through,
    She looks at the many tears she's made.

    As the sun sets,
    Dawn breaks through.
    She realizes she's only broke her heart,
    When she fell in love with you.

    As night settles in,
    The moon appears.
    And she cries another night,
    Of hopeless tears.





    Submitted on 2005-12-31 17:03:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the way the way you took us through the day along with her pain. This was very nice. It was brief but potent. I think the flow was a little off, but it did not ruin the poem. I like the realness of this. I think you did a fine job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the illustration you make of the cycle that ends the way it begins. I didn't see very much imagery, maybe some things to visualize would help the mood of the piece.
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by w210plato | [ Reply to This ]
      It's alright. Maybe not the best of your ability, but I could tell throughout the reading of this piece, that you have more in store. Work on your grammatical errors and revise it, maybe add a stanza or two more to round it out. Keep up the good work. xoxoxo
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by UNIQUEWOODS69 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this concept. The progrssion of emotions, and the different feelings we go through in the process of a breaking heart makes this really come alive.

    Go through it one more time, check your spelling. (I noticed wated, which should be wanted.) Otherwise, good work.
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]



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