Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: more than nothingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: psychoneurosis
    ASL Info:    37/m/Chennai
    Elite Ratio:    3.44 - 37/46/24
    Words: 701
    Class/Type: Story/Depressed
    Total Views: 609
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4115



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmore than nothingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I cradled her in my arms. The comfort I was offering a lie in itself. The warmth of my caress born only of a last-minute affection for one who had, until recently, meant more than nothing. I'd lost sight of whatever glimmer within her had first drawn me in, but then, I hadn't particularly tried to hold on to it. I felt very detached, not superior, just apart; a stranger watching a couple while he waits for his bus. The steady shaking of her body had slowed down; she was saying something.

    "…. promised me we'd always be together, you said we'd……."

    Promises. You'd think they'd learn. How simple it is, for anyone with the slightest flair for the dramatic to say the right thing at the right time, using beautifully chosen words. Not too clichéd, not too obvious, something that seems spur of the moment. Look into her eyes, half-passionately, half-shyly, as if you are embarrassed by your own raging emotions. Pause a second, just long enough for her to anticipate what's next, and then say it. It doesn't really matter what you say exactly, whether it involves the stars, or the moon or her eyes. Its just part of the game. Everyone knows that, or so I'd thought. And here was this silly girl quoting back to me, word for empty word, my own fervent speeches, as if they were God's Eternal Truth. Now I was beginning to get irritated. Her wet cheek against my neck was fast becoming a nuisance. I moved slightly, as if to get her hair out of my face, but really to avoid the uncomfortable trickle down my back. The voice in my ear continued.

    "…. remember the time when we'd taken that walk in the rain, down to the….."

    No I didn't remember. It can't have been any different from the time I'd taken that same route with almost every other girl I knew. Why was this girl putting such a premium on meaningless memories? So we'd taken a walk, so she'd thought it was romantic. Maybe it was, but so what? I hardly think that qualifies it as a treasured moment in my life, one that, if brought up at a time like this, would make me revert my decision and bring back lost passion. The sheer childishness of the ploy revolted me; now I did feel superior.

    "….don't know how you could do this to me after….."

    Blame. Sure, go ahead. Blame me, curse me, do what you want. Just get it over with! Of course I could do this to her! If I'd cared enough about her we wouldn't be having this break-up. And it wasn't me doing it to her, come to that, she was doing it to herself. Hadn't she realized that she had driven me away with her constant attention seeking, with her nitpicking, with her jealousies? The way she would grill me when I forgot to call, or was a little late in meeting her. All under the transparent heading of 'How was your day?'

    I'd gotten involved with her because she was a fun, easy-going person. I wanted a fun, easy-going relationship, instead she had packed up the rest of her life, and entered into a world that revolved solely around me. I was flattered for about three days, after that it just wasn't comfortable anymore. She was screaming now. Loudly, and shrilly.

    "….gave up so much for you, sacrificed so much…."

    Enough was enough. I'd behaved decently and done this face to face, the least she could do was breakdown someplace else. I had things to do; I had to get on with my life. There were other, more important people waiting for me. I couldn't help that her intense love for me had shattered her completely….

    The fantasy finished for the thousandth time. He lay in bed, clutching himself, trying to dull the ache of rejection.. He'd get her somehow, someday. She'd love him again, and he'd break her heart, coldly, cruelly, just as she'd broken his. She'd cry, and she'd beg him to take her back. Next time things would be different….




    Submitted on 2006-01-01 09:22:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey this was good. I think i liked it because the whole story is something i have thought or i thought the other person was thinking..(did that make sence?) and then ther was that twist at the end that made the role reverse... anyway maby im not putting it into the right words ... I liked it!
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by isis_lenore | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    86123

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Records I written by Raphael
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The World written by jjd
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Carry written by saartha
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry