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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Do You Love Me?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mud
    ASL Info:    18/f/India
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 55/98/57
    Words: 555
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 1183
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2707



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDo You Love Me?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She ran her fingers across the dusty photograph. She was in his arms, and they were both smiling. It seemed like so long ago… heck, it was a long time ago…Frustrated, she closed her eyes, stifled a sob, and stepped out of the door. She made sure she slammed it. He’d broken her heart. And her jaw. She didn’t understand their relationship at all.

    She often wondered whether he really loved her. She kicked a stone and swore loudly. She watched her three-year old neighbor play with mud. Then he threw some at her. She growled at the boy…She was mad enough to snap the child in half! But she held herself back…she knew how it felt, to be snapped in half…

    She walked slowly, dragging her feel along the pavement. She didn’t return any smiles. It wasn’t cold, but she felt the hair on her arms stand on end. The sky was blue, there were no clouds, there was a light breeze toying with her soft black hair. She kept walking, till she reached an old alley. Slumping against the wall, she slid to the ground. She closed her eyes again, and let her mind wander back to a few hours ago...

    He’d woken up, looked at her and sighed. He thought she was hopeless, and made it evident. She hated how he never seemed to be in a good mood. At first, she’d attributed his crabbiness to all the long hours at work, he worked hard – but 15 years down the line, she had to conclude that he just seemed to cynical and bad tempered. “I work hard.” or “I’ve had a bad day” generally meant “I need more whisky”’, or so it seemed to her. Anyway, that morning, she found herself yelling, “It’s fucking New Years Day! Do you have to start off by being in a bad mood? Oh wait… you’re always in a bad mood! It’s like, your fucking hobby!” She watched his face fall, and felt bad about it. But this incessant criticism and looking down on her had to stop!

    She sighed, and rested her head against the cold gray wall. She let herself cry. She wept and wept, she loved him so, she wished she could understand him better! She knew that deep inside, he was a lovely person. He cared. Somewhere in his heart, he cared, and he LOVED her. But she wasn’t sure if he LIKED her at all. He worked so hard for her; he gave her everything she wanted. She hated herself for being mad at him…but she knew that sometimes, it wasn’t enough to just have money and things; she wanted to know he loved her. But he never showed it often enough – he’d just snap at her. Why was he always in such a bad mood? She wanted to understand…

    Slamming her fist into the hard earth, she whispered softly, “Do you love me, daddy?”




    Submitted on 2006-01-01 11:03:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      brilliant atmosphere of the scene captured the feelings and everything......emotion....it had it all.....i loved this.....i dont usually read long submissions but when i started i couldnt stop, ya grabbed me in and i went along with it and the end was so beautiful , brought a tear......very moving and intrancing (is that a word ) lol
    inspired me to read more of your work.....
    enjoyed it so much ........:)
    lotsaluv
    God Bless
    Nadine
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by lostspirit | [ Reply to This ]
      ok. this was [censored]in awsome. i mean i never saw the ending coming. good job nish. i think you'd be an awsome storyteller. this was perfect. kinda ernest hemingway like, but very original. it reminded me of this song home by three days grace. only this one gives the dad a little more credit (except for the whisky part, that was sad).

    loved this one. goes on my favs.

    Zuheir. (i see you know mihir too)
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow

    I had no idea this was written from a childs point of view until the very last line
    This was one heck of a whopper for the lat line
    I too know and understand the pain from child abuse
    Though my abuse wasnt dealt to me by the hands of my parents
    Abuse is Abuse
    I will never understand why someone can feel such incredible energy from hurting and innocent and Loving child
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      The title caught my attention, and it just flew from there. Very heartfelt story... hit so close to home, I'm actually tearing... *lol*

    I agree with Kalyiel. Your narrating technique is great. Important in an effective piece. Very enjoyable to read, and I look forward to reading more of your writes.
    | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by disturbed420 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, your story really caught me in! At first, I read the first lines, out of curiosity, but then I couldn't stop until I reached the end! Which, by the way, was truly unexpected, yet perfect! Great, great job! You have a nice narrating technique, which is extremely important!
    | Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by Kalyiel | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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