Lament of the Loved by White

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Submission Name: Lament of the Loved dots

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Author:	White_Ink
Elite Ratio:	2.95 - 18/17/9
Words:	68

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	206
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	430

Description:
This is supposed to be about putting too much faith in something that's not really there and relizing that it doesn't exist. Then begging and hoping it is real. Society seems to create fales gods and worship them. We live in false hood then our worlds crash when we see the truth.

I don't know if that's how this poem comes across... Just tell me what it leaves to be desired.

Lament of the Loved dots

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Sweet imaginary goddess who sings
grant me this burning dream
my personal temptation the web you weave
angel of night make me believe
take my soul, set me free
in the book of life pages part
around me shadows quickly dart
as I walk through my hall of mirrors
crying blood, the world's tears
I feel the end is nigh
my dreams begin to wither and die

Submitted on 2006-01-01 14:37:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  ok what i get out of this is a person who has resently been hurt by a lover, i feel as if that person can never trust another anymore. boy do i know how that feels lol, anyway this was good even though a lil short but thats ok, thx for the read,

brandon
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
  for a new user, this is good, i like how you use the line

crying blood, the worlds tears.

i like that line it makes it seem like even though people don't know whats really happening they themselves are suffering from the lie and you can see it shining bright, and cry for them...for the world... your ending was very fitting it gave you a sad feeling like no matter how much you tried to believe in someone or something, it would never be. so full of depth and truth, i shall be adding this to my favs, thank you for sharing this
take care
++My Pain++
| Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the metaphorical feel - it flows into itself ad redirectd the attention as the metephor switches. It seems like the narrator has suffered heart break and lost the will to live along with the lost love.
Nicely done
Angel
P.S. Thanks for the comment on What Lies Between glad you liked it
| Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by The_Angelic_Dea | [ Reply to This ]

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