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    dots Submission Name: Where We Starteddots

    Author: Lilithe_Aislin
    ASL Info:    20/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 80/69/18
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1182
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1017

       This jumps around at the beginning but smooths out. I'm going to fix it soon. But any comments are welcomed in the meantime.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhere We Starteddots

    Quit saying you love me
    Don't make this harder then it is
    Knowing that's not how you feel
    Frozen in cold stares like ice
    Oh, how I wish it were true
    Happily ever after is not as easy as it looks
    Trapped in starry midnight eyes
    Once upon a time it were so
    But you faded away from me
    And my heart grew empty in your absence
    Now here we are
    So far from where we started
    This cold metal is making my hands shake
    And I would still bite this bullet for you
    My fault is clear as can be now
    But it was found a day too late
    You were gone, never to return
    And here we are
    So close to where we started
    Under blackened night skies
    Just like the day we met
    Nothing could keep me from you then
    And the same is true tonight
    We will end just like we started
    Under full moon light
    And you will understand if I die trying
    ...wouldn't you?

    Submitted on 2006-01-02 00:34:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Reading this piece tells me you've been through a rough time i hope this is old and life is much better for you now.Love can put us into so many emotions and it can make a warm heart turn cold inside.I an relate to how love can grow cold.It happened to me many years ago.I lost all trust in the person who said he loved me.It was then i put walls up to protect myself from ever being hurt like that again.But that like i said that was many years ago.I feel different about love now.I can tell you that you brought your thoughts right across to me the reader.It's a painful poem but hey it's better to let it out of you then keep it bottled up inside thats how i think.May you find or have found the happy ever after.And when someone says they love you they really mean it.I remember you told me your 19 now,so i hope this is an old piece from the past and your happy with your life now take care thank you the read.
    | Posted on 2007-05-19 00:00:00 | by deluka | [ Reply to This ]
      nah, i can see hte emotion, but i feel it can be improved. it jumps too much.

    one of the things about poetry is tat it has to have a rhythm.

    poetry with a rhythm builds tension and momentum.

    this doesnt have rhythm.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by dublhelix | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem iz really good love can hurt so [censored]in much i luv it its hell kool! U neva eva change the way u writ with such expression!
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Gini | [ Reply to This ]
      One can see the emotion dripping from the poem. The frustration. The pain. I like how you used the image of the night sky more than once. Consistancy is always a good thing indeed. The ending shows uncertainty and almost fear, which is extremely effective.The first part seems like something one would actually say to another. Alot of poems I read seem either too long and tedious or too short, this one, however, seems to have been perfectly lengthed to get across your point.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by ParanoidParadox | [ Reply to This ]
      love can make you and love can break you, there seem to be so many poems about love breaking us, and i can't get enough of them. i enjoyed your write, even though yes it was jumping a little at the start. congrats
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Dispair | [ Reply to This ]

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