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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Maiden of the Mistdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenroses
    ASL Info:    17/m/indiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 191/192/62
    Words: 535
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2651



    Description:
       a gentle dreamland about many different aspects of my surreal dreams. i basically just took my imagination off of any leashes and let her run free. there are some deeper meanings in the maiden, though.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Maiden of the Mistdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I dropped her hand and drifted gently back to earth on my joyful cloud. I walked briskly along and hopped upon the rusted train. I felt the rhythm beat left and right with the clickity clack of the rickety track. The great train swayed like a drunken beast as it barreled along its fixed path. Given no free will to move about, the train lives such a sad and lonely life.

    I jumped from the staggering giant and rolled gently down the grassy banks towards the quiet river. Many years had turned it into a peaceful stream and the serenity of it lulled me into a sense of security. The maiden of the mist grabbed my hand gently and joined me in a peaceful stroll upon the worn banks. The grasshoppers exhaulted me with each new chirp.

    On my happy morning jog, I met a particular sickly dog. His rotten yellow teeth covering beaten, bloody gums, and creating a sort of cage for his vile breath. The disturbing sight of this animal warranted a piece of bread from my rucksack, and the kindness of this act put a smile upon the maniacal beast's jowls. His snarls are only for maybe a molded piece of cheese, which upon finding none, he retreated once more into the woods.

    I continued my path and happened upon a beautiful young woman singing a sad song with a choir of sullen robins. Her voice soothed me into a sleep of a thousand years. I was awakened by the beauty's silken hands in a strange new place covered in floral decorations.

    Vines of ivory and gold weave the blanket that warms me completely. The softest lamb's ear as my pillow, I am beneath a tulip shroud. A forceful vine of ivy pushes me farther away from the comforts of the world and deeper into the magic of life.

    I stumble upon a gentle bend in the road and stagger through, as the sweet nectar wine buzzes lazily around my head. Becoming the drunkard of the forest, I slump gently against the giant tree. A mist gently engulfs me and out comes the maiden to greet me again. With a smile, a tear, and a gentle touch, my body falls lifeless to the ground. One more battle with the mighty Morpheus has been waged and won. The maiden of the mist has delivered me back home safely for one more night.

    Our visits becoming more frequent, I believe to be falling in love with the maiden. If only she could see me on some other terms, if only she could come to me some other time. Nature must not bend for me, and the maiden remains a mystery forever. My love leaves once again, but I am not afraid. She will come back tomorrow.




    Submitted on 2006-01-02 00:43:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      happy new year
    you managed to write a touching story and described it very well. I am happy to be reading a story after such a long time. I can only find one suggestion... i didn;t really like the way you suddenly ended the story... i seemed that you could have written more... if you couldn't then you shouldn't have ended so suddenly

    just a suggestion

    john*

    if you want to know how i would have ended the story then let me know [i am not writing it as some peole do not even bother to read others suggestions])
    | Posted on 2006-01-03 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the images and the way the story plays out.

    In practicle terms, this would be easier to read on the site if you used the indent function or gave us a blank line between paragraphs. That doesn't affect the story, just how it is displayed in this forum.

    This a nice fantasy, well done.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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