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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Another Ruined Mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: corruptedspirit
    ASL Info:    26/Male/England (Swindon
    Elite Ratio:    5.42 - 163/188/60
    Words: 302
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1020
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1846



    Description:
       Well that's a different style for me..... Lol.. Not sure if it's poetry though.....Or just mindless ramblings.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnother Ruined Mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lost in a world without emotion or love,
    Time taking its toll and not giving anything in return,
    Trees no longer offering beauty, just a rustle in the wind
    The bird’s song no longer poetic just a noise that disturbs peace.

    Looking into a pool of water now only offers a reflection of sorrow,
    The mirror refuses to lighten the dark lines appearing in the face,
    The phones silence showing how much others really care,
    Food no longer possesses spice, just offers a bitter taste upon the palette.

    Couples holding hands, no longer brings a smile, and instead breeds contempt.
    Summer rays not bringing joy, but another day forced upon the already dying soul.
    No awe is found within the face of a beautiful stranger anymore,
    The mind forgetting how to see anything in the eyes of another

    Perhaps the time has come to be a mindless drone,
    And leave all personal thoughts and feelings behind
    Do only what is needed to survive, forget the longing for love.
    Become your bosses dream; show up with no thoughts in the back of your mind.

    Fantasies now turn to dust offering no escape from the real world,
    Inspiration lost, meaning there is no need for motivation.
    Dreams stay in the world in which they belong, not coming to offer a smile even while sleeping.
    The only certainty in life now is that death will come eventually.

    That certainty the only thing that cracks an otherwise emotionless face,
    The day when the reaper comes to claim the remains of a man, that forgot how to be human.
    When death takes the soul before passing there is one final hope,
    The hope that the afterlife is only myth and never again will weary eyes be forced to open…..




    Submitted on 2006-01-02 05:52:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Not poetry, Definitely ramblings. This could easily be changed by using less prosaic language and improving the connection of the words to each other. They don't go together and it makes them roll of the tongue like a square wheeled truck. For an example "Perhaps the time has come to be a mindless drone, And leave all personal thoughts and feelings behind Do only what is needed to survive, forget the longing for love.
    Become your bosses dream; show up with no thoughts in the back of your mind" would flow better has Perhaps the time has come to mindless drone, Forsaking thought and feeling on the road, Do only what is needed to survive, Be but a worker bee, no thoughts within your backless mind" Obviously that's just a bsic, rough idea of what you could do to be more 'poetic'.

    In closing, you have a solid base on which to begin writing something truly fantastic, if you wish, as the thoughts in this 'ramble' are very poetic. You just need some language to match.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Clarkie | [ Reply to This ]
      I don' t think this is poetry
    but it is a great piece of descriptive writing.
    It is an astonishing and eloquent description of depresssion...perfect prose in my book.

    i hope its not auto-biographical
    ....but if it is...do yourself a favour and get Dorothy Rowe's book "Dpression" from Amazon
    right now
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]


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