Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

My Disease


Author: metalman_21
ASL Info:    17/m/NE
Elite Ratio:    2.58 - 30 /42 /17
Words: 109
Class/Type: Poetry /Angst
Total Views: 728
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 807



Description:


You have to search for the meaning on this one. It's pretty deep.


My Disease



Where are we going?
Alone in this world, with nowhere to turn.
Nobody to run to, and nobody to trust.
A perversion of the Truth.
Fallacies of life no longer fall on deaf ears.
Worthwhile ramblings are shunned,
and now.....silence./

Engulfed if flames,
but never burn.
Encased in Ice,
but cannot freeze.
Lost in burden.
Cut the strings.
Burn the bridges.
My disease./

Handcuffs.
Shackels on the hands of a priest.
Drawn into darkness,
by the will of a higher power./

Engulfed in flames,
but never burn.
Encased in Ice,
but never freeze.
Lost in Burden.
Cut the Strings.
Burn the bridges.
My disease./




Submitted on 2006-01-02 06:38:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  This poem sounds like it could be turned into a great punk rock song. My favorite part would have to be "Lost in Burden. Cut the Strings. Burn the bridges. My disease." I'm not sure what it is...I guess I like the choppiness of it. Yet, I'm not quite sure of the meaning but it could be that I have missed it. I don't feel like this is complete. You should add more...
| Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by devonbracy | [ Reply to This ]
  The point is lost in the repetition I believe. It serves as filler here, and I believe you need to come up with a few more stanzas so that the meaning and emotion can be a little more clear. This chorus(?) uses really interesting imagery even if a few of the things are contradictory, but perhaps that was on purpose.
| Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by ParanoidParadox | [ Reply to This ]
  I appreciate the feeling behind the poem, but the problem I have with it is that it's quite unclear in the conveyance of the message. It seems as if the writer has tried to express himself, and hasn't really succeeded. It needs work, but shows potential.
| Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Roberto Santos | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



86197