Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: =) Smilies =)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: tmullins
    ASL Info:    37/F/Mo
    Elite Ratio:    4.5 - 127/149/41
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1024
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 732



    Description:
        sometimes you just gotta force it!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots=) Smilies =)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I surround myself with smilies,
    they're everywhere for me.
    Reminding me of something
    that others rarely see.

    Stickers on my mirror,
    my pajamas and t-shirts,
    I started collecting them years ago
    to help take away the hurt

    to try to hide my realization
    so no one else would know
    of what I'm fighting here,
    what the smilies show.

    I'm fighting for my life
    my happiness, my dreams,
    I'm fighting for reality.
    ...for nothing, it seems.

    Covering up the fact
    it's just something I don't do.
    Are you fighting for your life?
    Do you need smilies too?




    Submitted on 2006-01-02 12:10:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh my God did this write strike a nerve in me
    I have always hidden my pain behind Laughter
    I will not let negativity show its ugly face around me
    I think you understand me when I see I can feel negativity and I stay clear from it
    You really really captured the emotion of a smile perfectly
    A Fantastic Write
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an airy poem with depressing tones beneath it. My worry is that it may be too simple, and I think the blame for that lies upon some of the wording. Changing just a few words can transform a poem:

    "Stickers on my mirror,
    my pajamas and t-shirts,
    I started collecting them years ago
    to help take away the hurt"

    It seems like the last line is lacking in depth - it doesn't make me feel or understand any pain that you felt.

    "to try to hide my realization
    so no one else would know
    of what I'm fighting here,
    what the smilies show."

    Again, I'd just like to really feel emotion coursing out of the words, but I don't. I know that this poem could be much more...affective, it just needs a few little tweaks here and there.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by HopesAndDreams | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem made me smile to start with, then I felt it sort of had a double meaning...We all smile sometimes to cover the real feeling in our hearts but a real smile touches the eyes, then touches the heart of the recipient. A fake smile is just four lines on a blank canvas. I felt your smiles were the latter and that made me sad for you. Anyway, I really like the poem and I can't see anything I would change about it, it flows really well when you read it out loud. Great work. All the best, Mel.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
      Smiles are addictive. Just can't have one.
    Looks like the lady needs a few to keep her on the right path. Sometimes the past comes around and bites us on the rear. Reality sets in and we fall back into that little hole we tried so hard to crawl out of.
    Still, we look around and see the things that make us happy and make the choice to enjoy what we have. There really is no other choice at all.
    I choose smiles too. They really do create a chain reaction. Hmm, smiles for you.


    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      hey this is great i really enjoyed reading it the flow and stuff everything was fine... but smilies they dont talk they just smile they dont think theyre dead when im depressed and i see smilies im getting jealous and even more depressed.... they just smile and need to be sticked against something to be happy... i wish to be a smiley...
    great poem anyway
    sincerely yours,
    Jimi
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Jimi James | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes! yes i do need smiles. For what a nice thing to greet you in a morning, to see as you leave work at night, a smile makes everyone feel alight. They are important too, which alot of people forget i think, if a smile wasn't a good thing we wouldn't have encorporated it as a greeting. I thought your words and rhyme worked really well and that the story the write holds was a deep and emotional one. Cheers.

    Mstr Rz
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by master raz | [ Reply to This ]
      This could have been a very bubbly, lightweight piece about the need for positive reinforcement in the form of a smile/friendly greeting if it weren't for the dark undertones in the last stanza ('fighting for nothing, it seems' is certainly the emotional bridge to your poem on depression). You've chosen to smile in part to introduce yourself to a life affirming habit in a battle with occassional (or not so occassional) bouts of depression. This is a simple little poem with a sophistcated twist, nicely done. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    86217

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry