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    dots Submission Name: Under abroaddots

    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 1123
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 575


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    dotsUnder abroaddots

    Abroad under visions,
    of dawning insanity.
    Brought within distance,
    secrets intombed by time.

    Vailed behind our dreams,
    wittnessed by all that bleed.
    Sleeping upon a past,
    nightmares sway into wraths.

    Blinded with questions,
    wondering within reason.
    Truely in love with our purest hate,
    sunrise sinks in nights of gray.

    Pathing trough changing roads,
    disturbing our gardened home.
    Hallways of locking doors,
    visions under abroad.

    Submitted on 2006-01-02 18:28:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You seem tohave gotten me on this one, but, let me quess.
    The piece is about a visitor travelling abroad to historical places and the visitor sees that history has taught the people nothing, They still ramble through their lives with hate instead of attending to human compassion. This has led to distrust ,therefore,everyone locks their doors at night.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the vagueness of this piece even though I'm not quite sure whether that's a good quality or not. Likewise I relished the imagery that this piece imparts for it's quite effective. Be it as it may, I caught several grammar mistakes in the piece that - aside for the obvious impression - make the reader feel as if not enough time was spent here. I suggest that you take a look at lines 8, 11. The later I supposed is just a typo.

    Good overall.


    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]

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