Description: Browsing last night, I came upon magneticpoetry.com, and I composed a sort-of poem. From there, I wrote this, a tirade of sorts on the tired world of art appreciation. I'm not trying to be elitist, honestly... just a vent really. Please give feedback on structure, line breaks, flow, etc. If you don't like it, tell me why!
In the vernacular -------------------------------------------
In the vernacular
A wild smear on electric vivid
throws her genius at open passion.
Results will always vary; rarely does
the advertisement match the product.
Given enough encouragement, fresh
artists become renowned for a few months,
and glory in praise.
Yet
How can old grace balance through
cracks in young monuments?
This, you see, is the quality of
good masonry, that Hallmark resulting
in a trusting mediocrity. It is
the drug you soon will feel
as beauty.
Out of all your poems, this one hits the mark with me the most. The subject matter is something that I agree with, the visual form of this is pleasing to the eye, and you summed it all up quite succinctly. The line-breaks work more cohesively in this as well.
Your first three lines are original and enticing to a reader to read more... and then you launch into a subtle attack into artists that perhaps don't merit artistic consideration? This is just what I get from it. It's often good advertising (like you state) and connections that makes artists get noticed, from what I've learnt. Or perhaps it's just about being the novelty of the moment, and learning how to capitalize on that, who knows. It's all subjective to each person, this hazy world of 'art'.
I like how you make connections to Hallmark (the card-makers right?) - to me, this speaks of overblown cheesiness and selling-out to the lowest common denominator. I have mixed feelings about this - one side of me wants to say 'f.uck off, I'll do my own damn thing and stuff you if you don't understand me' - while the other side is saying 'but I just want to be understood dammit!' - I think that is the conundrum with all artists - the desire to be someone different, yet connect with as many people as possible. Each to their own though.
Out of all this, I only have one nitpick - this part - 'This, you see, is the quality of good masonry, that Hallmark resulting in a trusting mediocrity.' - 'that Hallmark resulting' is the part that trips me up somewhat - I think this needs to be reworded slightly differently to make it more connective to the preceding and latter parts of these lines. Perhaps something as simple as 'of Hallmark resulting in trusting mediocrity'? It's the words 'that' and 'a' that doesn't sound right... do you see what I mean? I know my suggestion is rather off, but I hope you understand where I'm coming from, in terms of syntax/grammar.
Hope this helps Elise. I've given you three comments to mull over now lol. Peace, Jase
i really liked this as well. it took a couple read throughs for me to really get i but i love how you used the word vernacular as a way of saying "art reflects society". and the last stanza i think does a good job of saying how the stuff that's actually good is the stuff that will last and be remembered. i probably mostly like this 'cause i am a bit of an art buff myselft a bad one, but one none the less. overall though i think it's great piece.
this was very cool. I have often wondered myself what the big deal was with certain art. I can appreciate a person's talents but some don't have any particularly special talent and still call themselves artists--and get acclaim for it. it's probably all in who they know. that seems to be the key to most praise in my experience. there was some write up in the paper about a girl who has been on the dean's list all through school--well, so have I and no one did a write up on me! or many of the other equally gifted, talented or busy students who are on the dean's list. so, go figure! nice write. sorry I got off track!
Submission Name: In the vernacular
