Description: I think people are desensitized to death nowadays. Or maybe everyone is just existing in a state of dissociation. All I know is I have seen young people laugh in the face of death and basically treat death very lightly. Old people don't. I don't either. I fear death a bit. I'm starting to try to live a decent life so I will be ok with death when my time comes. Personally I feel for old people. My parents are old people. They do not take death lightly.
Today my elderly parents watched in utter disbelief as my Dad's friend died on the tennis court. My Dad and Mom held his arm, hand and forehead as he left this world. 11 people including 8 paramedics tried to revive him. It was an everyday occurence for an 80 year old man. But he was a very nice guy. And besides being nice, physically he reminded me of one of the old man muppets from sesame street. the smaller one. Poor guy. He was just standing there talking and playing tennis one minute and then he fell over the next. It might be ordinary but it sure as hell has left me thinking what the hell does this all mean. All these things I've seen? Here is a poem I wrote tonight.
Fade away
energy
leave
you weren't meant to stay
and you wont be back again
searchers found you
my friend
you've served your purpose
and now you've gone away
you wont be home next Christmas
you weren't here to stay
you wont see your grandkids again
you've served your purpose and gone away
A wakeup call
survivors
so fragile
a human desire
to continue
to breathe
to see and believe
one more day
alone it would seem the universe turning off
life was just a dream
the lights are out
the car is home
the hospital is closed
your friends are asleep
you wont be coming home again
yeah dido to previous comments i liked this because you captured death for what it is death there is no playing laughing feeling or needing anymore all things have expired mind body and soul but i liked the term searchers have found you as if to say this was always meant to be
Quite a powerful poem. The flow was hard to follow, but the message was loud and clear. I like the way you mentioned the things the person would no longer be a part of, it made the of the person more of an reality. It made it personal. I think that you did a fine job.
This is a very strong and powerful write Thou I Do not agree with the description of death you speak of I respect your view I for one welcome Death because I know I will be Going to Heaven just like You I am not rushing Death but i welcome it Thank You for sharing this God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You
Very sad... but let me say first that this piece could have stood alone without the description but I'm glad you included it. I've never witnessed anyone dying but I have seen the face of death... and I might be one of the few young people who does not laugh about it...
though I'm not afraid of it either... death is just part of the cycle.
The wording you used in this poem was very strong, very powerful, and it really drove me to keep reading. Your feelings in this poem were very drawn out and I like that feeling. The feeling of trying to express yourself and make sense at the same time. Your flow was a bit rocky at first, but I can see a lot of talent. Good luck in your writing.
Very powerful thoughts here. I have to agree that young people take death too lightly, with all the suicides etc and when I asked my friend, who tried who self harmed, why, he simple replied: "you and me have very different views on life." I for one don't comprehend that, how can our views be so diferent that he doesn't care, and I do, its the same life after all.
I feel for you in the description, I lost a family member I was close to all of a sudden a few years ago, and it really does make you stop and think but I chose to carry on in life, because that's what they'd have wanted me to do.
I apologize for not commenting on the poem thus far, but you really made me think about the differences in people, but now to the poem.
I have to say, that it jumps around a bit, but I think that's ok in this instance because this subject is such a bemusing spiral of thought that reading this is almost like reading thoughts straight from mind. A line that strikes me in particular is: "alone it would seem the universe turning off." To me, its very unusual in its language and yet it seems to be perfectly comprehendable in its message. On such a subject, I think you did well to express the message that life is indeed fragile, good write.
I like your poem, for you can get inspirition out of a sad situation. the first few lines were not really good, and the 'searchers found you' is a bit vague to me' but the upcoming part is good The flow in the fourth stanza is very good, i like that part most. It's hard to realise that this person will not be doing anything at all. you made this point very clear, that's nice. I hope you can share your grief with someone DZ
Submission Name: Fragile
