Bittersweet by RyukiTZR

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Submission Name: Bittersweet dots

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Author:	RyukiTZR
ASL Info:	14/F/-
Elite Ratio:	3.94 - 133/130/44
Words:	93

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	366
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	703

Description:
Don't know what to say... I just like the word 'bittersweet'....alot.

That's just oddly me.

Bittersweet dots

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Life's bittersweet.
And its really hard to explain...

Make big falls head on,
Be glad to have cuts and bruises.
Cause when you'd get back on my feet,
You'll know that Life's bittersweet.

Having friends is cool,
But be sure to be aware.
Cause when you get all their shit,
You'll simply know that Life's bittersweet.

Yea just go have fun,
Gotta try not to be in the run.
Cause when you break for things to meet,
You'll just know that Life's bittersweet.

Know
That
Life's
Just
Simply
Bittersweet.

Submitted on 2006-01-04 08:59:31 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Wow...This would be some damn good lyrics, Mitsuki.

But I get what you're saying in this piece. It's like, no matter what you do, you're always going to be knocked back down. It's like you can't escape from your troubles. That's how I feel sometimes.

But in the last two lines of the third paragraph, your rhyming came out of rhythm. Then it went back to rhyming again in the fourth paragraph. Here, I suggest this:

"Having friends is cool,
But be sure to be aware.
Cause when you lose the rhythm to their beat,
You'll simply know that Life's bittersweet."

Does that sound a little better? Good. NOW GO CHANGE IT YOUNG LADY!!! lol Just kidding.

Well done. I like it.
-Beth
| Posted on 2007-06-26 00:00:00 | by crimson_panda | [ Reply to This ]
  Did you write this song for music? For some rock band or something similar? This is preaty much average poetry, but I think that you can do much better. Sory for freedom. Keep on!
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Ceca | [ Reply to This ]
  This was an alright piece. I didn't really care for it myself, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Though I have to say that I didn't really understand the line that said "Cause when YOU'D get back on MY feet." I have to wonder if you actually meant it that way...or if you just misworded it.
| Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
  its nice, and i love the word "bittersweet" as well.
its true and does make sense to where you dont have to search for what you're talking about. done a fine job. i hope to hear from you soon
-BleedingTears
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
  Seems like this would make a great lyric. I think you did a great job with this piece and I can't help but notice that for your age this is very mature. I agree with MaxHam that it did end suddenly but it was still good. Good Luck and God Bless, Dawn
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by Dawnyd | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm, the ryme scheme was very nice. I do feel that this ended a bit sudden. Of course besides that this is a very good poem, very mature.
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by MaxHam | [ Reply to This ]

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