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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: bruises leftdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 273
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 857
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1458



    Description:
       Looking back my past. Please comment


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbruises leftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The bruises on my body will go away,
    but the pain inside will stay.
    Days after days begin locked in my room
    like a crimanal.
    Doing house work like a slave.
    I waited for the bright light every day.
    Every night I wished on apon a different star.
    These scars on my body remind me of the past
    My heart still in a cast, trying to recover from my past.
    I was a task
    no I was on a mission to get out of there.
    When I got the chance
    I ran, ran as fast as I could
    Like a criminal with 12 1st degrees of murder hanging over his head.
    with 12 oz of crack in his back pocket.

    When I was caught
    I was ready to cock it
    I was ready to pop it
    I held the gun to my head
    Said here we go again.

    The bruises on my body will go away,
    but the pain inside will stay.
    There will never be a day that I will go back
    I rather be shot in the back
    Left to die in the middle of now where.

    You made my life completely miserable
    You drove me to the edge, you've caused me all this pain.
    On the outside I look fine,
    But deep inside I am dying.

    All the times you beat me
    All the times ignored me when you saw the sighs that I needed help.
    All the times you would lock me up.
    This song is for you mom or do I have to go on.




    Submitted on 2006-01-04 17:12:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      oh wow. this is deep. i really like it. its not your best. but i got a lot of emotion from it. i loved it. it really showed that you put a lot of what you felt into this. good job. <3
    | Posted on 2007-03-21 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. this was really good but also it must of been really hard for you to write this cause its so personal. it sucks that you went through that im sorry.
    | Posted on 2006-12-31 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      pretty effing deep. it does have an eminem type vibe to it. but chicks dig that [censored] i guess. oops censors. lol. whatever. anywho. this poem was seriously deep and passionate. i know what you were feelin except mine aims at my father more than anyone. hope to hear from ya
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by shayla8911 | [ Reply to This ]
      yep i agree with PinkFairy this reminds me of emineuim! damn hes fine but thats another story! theres so much pain in this! so i noe theres a lot of pain in ur heart! this was awesome! good job!
    ~akaila~
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really feel for you and it's always so unfair to suffer abuse at the hand of another, especially a mother.
    You will find an inner strength and keep writing because creativity is the best release and helps in the healing process.
    All you can do is forgive in your heart & let the abuser carry the guilt.
    Hugs!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I think I read this because, it reminded me, in the first place, of an old friend... He used to write just like this, and I suppose that his reasons were alike... The poem itself is fine, but I think it should've gone into the lyrics category. It is best pictured like a song, and not like a poem.
    Hope you'll get reasons to write brighter poetry, though...
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Kalyiel | [ Reply to This ]
      well you can see that you are either uber pissed or you're sinking into a depression with this piece, overall it is good but you really need to proof what you put on here because there are a few spelling errors that i think you either know you made and were lazy and didn't fix them or you did them but didn't realize it, the flow of the poem is a little off but that doesn't mean much, it all fits together just fine without have a perfect flow and not all poems even have to have one to mkae it a good poem.

    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of Eminem. All the pain inside... It's sad and there so many people that go through [censored] like that too. You do have a spelling error. I'm thinking you meant "upon" a star. I liked it either way. I have a poem about my mom too: My pen. If you want check it out.

    Be happy
    PinkFairy
    | Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]


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