How about that, Break -------------------------------------------
It was not you or I
That stole our loverís lust
No human could be so cruel or such a fool
To be blessed by something so pure, and let it decay to dust
That cold day seemed so hushed
But for the sound of our last kiss.
Yet our loves flower did not die and whither
It didnít turn from the light of day
It grew more beautiful and bigger
And every time we lay apart and prayed
It swelled fertilized by me and you
Knowing that we were true
So for all our pain of being apart
For all the times we were robbed of hart
For every tear soaked wish
For every time we missed
For every cold stab of loves dagger
For every time we woke alone, haggard
It all sweetened the smell of our loves flower
It all ripened the fruit of what is ours.
Awww! This is very sweet. I love the sentiment here and how wonderful it is when love truly endures the hard times only to come out stronger and better because of it. The only suggestion I have is with the flow of the poem. It could use a little more fluidity as a whole, but really a minor detail overall. Love poems are truly my favorite and this one is really very sweet and gives a really genuine feel as I read it. Very nice. Take care.
you have alot of very interesting images there, im really impressed on your use of words. you did a very good job, could use some sort of consistency or linking element to the paragraphs though but overall you woudnt notice it, good job!
i know not about poetries cruel and hard boundries set by scholars all i know is that this provoked memories and feelings in me that i have tried to keep at bay and perhaps things that i worry about, i lost my first love but now i am with the most precious person! so even if i did not get my love back as you did in this i am happier for it! i see you are happier too! thanks so much for commenting on my work, i always return th favours!
This was nice. I think that your flow was just a little off with the way you had your sentences. The poem itself was very sweet and emotional. It spoke of what seems to be your love life losing it's spark. I think that the best part was when you said:
For every tear soaked wish For every time we missed For every cold stab of loves dagger For every time we woke alone, haggard
This had the most desired effect of your poem. I hope to see more work from you. Nice job.