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    dots Submission Name: It matters at that age.dots

    Author: PaulHudson
    ASL Info:    21/Male/Southend, Essex
    Elite Ratio:    5.56 - 70/71/19
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 636

       Very, silly humour... my apologies.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt matters at that age.dots

    Shiver, its not cold, but thatís the only way you could describe the way he felt. Focused and intent a deathly, relentless and unmerciful vale shrouded his better nature. A shadow of the betrayal he had suffered. His piercing stare wasnít angry, much worse unforgiving and uncompassionate. Any pathetic flicker of a soul left in him was soon doomed to expire. As a rushing torrent of hate breached the cursed catacomb of his memories. There was no movement, no sound, no life in his stature. There was no need, with an unwavering and precisely controlled flex of his buttock muscles he let one rip. Right on his adversaries face.

    Submitted on 2006-01-04 21:29:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      thsi was so hilarous reading your description of the poece before i read it i was expecting funny and a little confused in the beginning when i didn't get it but when the funny came boy did it come. good write
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Jamie06 | [ Reply to This ]
      There is LOTS of poetntial here, but you need to take advantage of it. Stares don't get angry - show us his stare, let us feel his emotions. This is a much better starting point than the other piece I read, but you've got to give us sensroy detail.

    The end was pretty funny (and disgusting). ;-)
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG....LOL Kimmy is very right about surprise ending!! It was very good at the begining and your descriptions were fantastic...then all of sudden you hit the reader with the silly stuff...lol .... im glad to know you have a sense of humor...and yes welcome to elite... Nice twist keep using that writing imagination...one day you might make a wonderful *serious* peice of work! lol TTYL
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by RandiKae | [ Reply to This ]
      OMGosh...surprise ending! LOLOL! Initially, I had no idea what you were talking about. Seemed like a paragraph from perhaps a book you might be writing. Intrigued...I read on. No need for any appologies...flatulation is, unfortunately for women, a natural function...however, I've never quite seen it from this point of view. After a good belly chuckle at the end of your write, now knowing your purpose and theme, I was compelled to read it again...still with a smile on my face and in my heart! Omgosh...I read it again...it just flows so smooth...LOLOL! I'm going to read this one to my 15 year old...he will truly get a kick out of this! Keep writing! You have a great sense of humor!
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      man..it seemed so serious but haha i like the twist. although the beginning was so serious that i could really imagine the last bit. ah well. to each his own.
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by hayl | [ Reply to This ]
      First off, welcome to Elite. Second, you were right this was silly. Since it was random thought, there's not that much I can say about it. I am not one for toilet humor, but at least you tell a nice tale. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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