I told you to go,
Not to be scared.
You cowered in fear,
of going there.
I pushed and shoved,
kicked and bit.
Till your foundation I broke,
And stood upon it.
I screamed out go,
For now is your time.
Leave this realm,
of comfort and wine.
And as you walked,
I waved goodbye.
I wished courage my friend,
for I had to fly.
My own mission at heart,
deepfelt in own.
The same as your quest,
Different person...less bold.
| Hey, Your rhyme is really good and this poem is very full of emotion. |
It's nice of you to write for Paco (Im guessing...)
Maybe I have too much knowlege of the situation to be the right person to comment,
but he really looks up to you..
:) keep up the good work and KEEP submitting!
|| Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ] || Hey Randy, yeah that's kinda funny...|
Um well I wrote a poem about how I couldn't help you, but that I wanted you to know that I tried to be there. But from a poetic stand point it's really good. You always manage to be better at everything I do and you do it in less time. Actually you've had more poetic experience than me...
Um... I like the consonace of the last line, it sounds good with some of the others (time, wine, goodbye) I don't know that's just me really good right.
Oh and click on the link to find me...
Your buddy Paco the Poet of Arson (Flamequill)
|| Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ] || This was a good piece but if you really want someone to get a sense of your writing submit a piece you have spent some time on, more time is more of you. The rhythm of this was good. Nice job.||| Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ] || Well done on this poem its filled with emotion about how ur feelings felt after this. i love it very well done!Nothing bad to say about this poetry! :)||| Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Gini | [ Reply to This ] |