Description: What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
As We Dance -------------------------------------------
The music thumpin in my ears
The rhythem in my hips
Your hands on my waist
As we dance
The D.J. spins a slow jam and says fellas get close
You embrace me from behind
And hang on while we grind
As we dacne
You pull me closer to you
Almost one with you
And wisper in my ear
" Whats your name?"
And I answer with a suttle reply
As we dance
Then you say
" Can I get up with you some time"
And I answer with a soft no
After all it was only a dance
Very cool. It has like a hip hop ish feel to it. I love the last line. It's a great poem, just watch your spelling. Probably just a typo, dance in the 8th line. Good job:)
I was just wondering why bambi144 thinks that poems that talk about living happily ever after are fake?? I mean if two people are in love its obvious that at that time she would feel like it was all a fairytale yes?? I mean I don't think its fake but not everyone wants to hear about reality all the time right?? Well didn't mean to use ya comment on a vent but you knew i was gonna say something but oh well ya know what I think about this one its been said and I don't wanna be redundant so Later...
this is such a refreshing poem! i was reading it thinking, "oh god its going to be one of those fake, lets live happily ever after poems" but the twist at the end was just fantastic! its a very streetwise poem and i salute you!
Submission Name: As We Dance
