[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Desiredots

    Author: PaulHudson
    ASL Info:    21/Male/Southend, Essex
    Elite Ratio:    5.56 - 70/71/19
    Words: 191
    Class/Type: Story/Passion
    Total Views: 962
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1011

       GIRL POWER… yes I know. I hope this doesn’t come across pig like, that a man can sweep a girl of her feet like that. BUT. After talking to some of my female friends, I got the impression that the whole prince charming thing, powerful man and all that is sexy. So this is my attempt to convey my understanding of what it feels like for the girl.

    I would very much appreciate comments on both the accuracy of descriptions and of the quality generally.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    He was a man of contradictions, but not of the idiotic sort she was used to in men. But of the type of transcendent equilibrium of soft hart and strong mind found in a true gentleman. Her sight fell into his piecing blue eyes that mirrored back a truthful, endearing peace and tranquillity. Securely, his hands gently and adoringly held her waist. His firm, torte body pressed against her breasts. She found herself intensely aware of her body’s reaction to his presence so close to her. The rush of chi to her lips left her cavernous with a fluttering hart and feeble legs. His aurora of self-confidence and sexual ambition radiated like a warm kiss of air on her skin. Mustering self control she tried to hide any small convulsions in her breathing. A whirl wind of humble words and honest feelings sent her mind on a journey of indecision. However there was no decision to make, he had already made his mind. Slowly he came close and involuntarily she let go of any restraint and fell to his lips.

    Submitted on 2006-01-05 10:13:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I do beleive that most women even though they say they want a "bad boy" or a mysterious man... deep down we are looking for our own fairy tale ending, our personal knight in shining armour.

    It has come to my attention though its not the men who have strayed fro mthe belif of opening doors and sending flowers and being kind, women have become so strong willed that most dont care for ir... including myself. I decided to grow my own flowers open my own doors, and support myself... but again thats just my way of life. alot of women still want thier knights... me i just want a sex slave! kidding... I think


    | Posted on 2006-02-15 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      wow you should write romance novels...just kidding...but i think its true every woman even though they don't like to admit it...they all have that underlying hope that their soulmate will sweep them off their feet...but that isn't reality...the closest thing i had didn't last long enough...maybe i'm just a negitive person...lol...even when i've had moments where i was toatally in love with a man...it was not like this...but every woman experiences things diffrently...every person...i'm babbling like a complete moron...i think its great that you.ve attepted such a hard subject...lol...woman...nice job...purps
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm.. i'm not impressed. even though the prince charming image does exist in the minds of several women.. your description of the moment is very clichéd... the only difference is the use of the word idiot.. it could have been a bit more imaginative
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for your comments good and bad, I respect honesty. It really isn’t meant to be a story. I was just trying to describe a moment in the eyes of a girl. Cliché… yes, but I’m a romantic so I don’t care! Lol. Was the actual quality ok though? Did it express the way she felt, what was going through her mind? I should probably add to it.

    It has of course occurred to me that I should not have put this in the story section…
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by PaulHudson | [ Reply to This ]
      This is just flat out bad writing. All tell and no show. Maybe in context of a story this might come off, but as it stands it needs serious rewriting.
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Other than a few spelling errors, which dont really effect your peice, this is overall a great and vivid story. I love the way you describe that men are idiots...lol...You imaginative descriptions keep me reading.. Its also very good that you as a man could asses the feeling of the girl... You did a great job might i add...Thanks for the write and I hope to read more very soon
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by RandiKae | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Fasade written by jackz
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]