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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lies Like Liliesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1771
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 444



    Description:
       You stop breathing while you sneeze, so it's another "little death" (orgasm is the other). I'm not aware that anyone is currently lying to me, so this is just from the vault of memory. In case you're unaware of how a calla lilly looks: http://images.google.com/images?q=Calla+lillies&hl=en&lr=&rls=GGLB,GGLB:1969-53,GGLB:en&sa=N&tab=ii&oi=imagest I suppose I should include a link to oleander too: http://images.google.com/images?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGLB,GGLB:1969-53,GGLB:en&q=oleander&sa=N&tab=wi


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLies Like Liliesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your lies
    are beautiful
    more elegant than truth
    graceful as white calla lilies
    poisonous as oleander,
    intoxicating as cocaine.
    I almost enjoy deluding myself
    into believing they could come true
    until they wither before my eyes
    into grey black dust.
    I realize their allure
    is just a veneer;
    they stifle me
    make me sneeze
    as I die a little.




    Submitted on 2006-01-05 12:52:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "i almost enjoy deluding myself into believing"

    like go ahead, call me naive...but i know what i'm doing..i know they are lies...i just have more fun believing them and going along for the ride..even though i am pretty aware they will turn black dust, make me sneeze and die a little...

    this is poetry, turning of a phrase...smooth


    and most of all real. do you read runes?

    i feel the same reading her...in your face, real....i feel something behind the words..something potent...delicately explosive.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-02 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      An extremely lovely and twice-potent piece...highly, highly visual, sharp and powerful images .... just plain WONDERFUL ... I don't care much for free form, but you have done this MOST ably .... excellent ... superb! ... bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-02-22 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes "wow" is the onle word! Except when elite makes you write more. Then "wow" is still the only word! I Know how you feel, I've been screwed and screwed up by my ex.
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by brich2929 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is soooooooooooooooooo beautiful, and I knew it would...I looked at this title and I was like...this is gonna be well written this is just what i need and i want coke now thanks for that...i love the idea that lies are pretty. i do i do i am just giddy with this poem.
    | Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      didn't want to comment but when something gives me chills I kinda have to. really brilliant, all the way through. your metaphor is right on. I love this from the start. I've been told these lies where you know they are lies but appreciate the effort put into them to try and make them believable (maybe I've been on both sides)...I could go on and maybe even say something useful but I'm just too damn rusty. suffice it to say it's great to read your stuff again. you are still a master.

    what a great ending!
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this is very charming Amy, I can see why so many faved it.I liked the floral imagery for the contrast between the sweetness and pristine beauty usually symbolized by such and the inherent ugliness of deceit.
    We speak of "little white lies", those supposedly innocuous untruths that have some redeeming side to them,-but in reality can be just as devastating as a full-blown tangled web of malintentioned deceit. The Calla suggests both the "lily-white" innocence and purity, while the subliminal "white-lie" reminds that not all is what it appears to be. That's what the title suggests to me at any rate.

    I would like to see the word "allure" in here somewhere, the suggestion of tantalizing trickery, rather than relying on the overwhelming beauty of the flowers as sole reason for your clouded vision. I suppose this is nitpicking, óbut the lily and oleander suggest beauty, and you state "your lies are beautiful" in the second line, so by line 11, the word "beauty" seems almost redundant ["I realize their beauty is just a veneer"] The lilies and oleander draw us to their beauty visually and aromatically, the drug entices through the sense of feeling,óa promise of pleasure or deliverance. These lies must do more than just look and feel good, otherwise you are suggesting [in a back-hand sort of way] that the mere beauty of his words draws you in;he is the silver-tongued devil incarnate. So even though you show that the eyes, ear, nose and sense of touch are pleased by his words, I think there should be another force that compels,-the sum of the above and more,-allure, enticement, seduction, something less passive and more malevolent than mere beauty,- some hint that the lies are calculated, deliberately contrived to catch you and render your feelings thus.

    I liked the sneeze switch, -it is typically Amy Cobb, yet it doesn't jar with its' humor. but rather it is a wry relief from the heaviness of the preceding lines.

    I think those last three lines could be separate to emphasis this "moment of truth", but I wasn't fussy about the word stifle in the sneeze imagery. (We speak of stifling a sneeze. and this word seems to conflict with the idea of being irritated, and involuntarily ridding oneself of the stimuli,-like an allergic reaction, [to pollen?]) Just a thought, though for the life of me I canít think of a word to replace stifle . I do like the last 3 line separated though, and perhaps remove one of those first person pronouns-try

    they stifle me
         I sneeze
              and die a little


    It has been ages since I have had the time to give more than a cursory glance to these pages. I read a lot though, and am just now getting enough access to a pc to make a decent comment. Thanks for submitting this delightful gem.

    Sally
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh WOW! This is good! Beautiful! I can go on and on about this. It's just perfect. Perfect!
    Okay, I'm nuts. Everything's just perfect - words, flow, imagery.
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Amy,
    First, a belated thanks for the wishes. I hope you are well. I think this is delightful as an extended figure and the ideas are fresh and innovative.
    Daryl
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh yeah this is what I been searching for the past hour something yummy to ease the mind.

    Beautiful Amy

    This whole thing pulled me in and would not let me spit it out...and in my opinion thats something worth bragging about .

    And now I know what a calla lilly is.

    Thank you for this

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      I dig this. Deception will always be more popular then facts. Lies are often pretty and facts rarely seem to be. I wonder sometimes how things ever went this far with the world. But a whisper in the ear that tells you what you want to hear or encourages a harsh judgement always seems welcome. Even people who know better can't help but feel (on some level at least) validated by such council.

    I very much like the imagry used here. It is hard for people to not ascociate the beautiful and the good for you, but they're often very different things. I like the finnishing line about the sneeze especially, every deception kills a little part of the truth and does a little damage to the one drawn in. Small, perhaps. But there are so many out there, assaulting the senses every moment of the day. The cumulitive effects of which we ignore to our peril and the ruin of us all.

    Jason
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ]
      Amy, this one is really good. It takes into consideration two ideas about reality, are we seeing the truth or coloring it with our own optimism, which is very easy to do. we all see things as we would like to, idealistically. I often ask my friends this question "am I seeking correctly?" not so much as a function of right or wrong, but just to see if I am perceiving the same reality as someone else.

    But you also take the role of the liar into account and how we can deceive ourselves by wanting to believe. there isn't a word I would change here. this is top notch and a new fave.

    much love,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      "your lies
    are beautiful
    more elegant than truth"

    I often think that's why we have so many liars in the world...or "Big Talkers" as I like to call them...it's because the lies are more interesting than the actual truth of things.

    The comparisons to calla lilles and oleander and cocaine is really powerful.

    I also like how you told us that when you sneeze you stop breathing and compared the sneeze to death.
    Then you worked it into how his "lies like lillies" (Good alliteration by the way.) make you die with each one you hear...or rather make you sneeze forcing you to see how fake the beauty of his lies are.

    I think we all know someone who just lies constantly. It bugs me to death! You did a wonderful job with this. :) Take care sis. Talk to you soon.
    *Hugs*
    -blt
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      some people have that capacity to lie, making
    it seem so real and beautiful, like a flower in
    a sweet garden.. sometimes we know it's a lie,
    but we want so much to believe, that we do..
    the sneeze was an interesting addition, because flowers often do make us sneeze from
    the pollen.. (so does cocaine...)..

    very well done Amy.. it resonates for most of
    us, i think.

    much love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      i didn't really find the sneeze part to be humorous...if you read the description you see why that is included...if someone sneezes...do you laugh...usually no...so why would it be funny here?...who knows...i like it including the last few lines...why does it seem...when people leave a comment they go along with others thoughts?...i'm babbling like a dork...i love the four lines in the middle starting with the seventh line...fantastic image...purps
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't think it was funny but I do think you could leave off 'as they make me sneeze'. it would be more effective I think with the last line 'and I die for a moment'. but of course that's up to you. the rest of the poem is very well crafted and I think you should leave it as is except for the beginning: I would change that to: 'your lies are more elegant than truth' . just some ideas. another great write by you.
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      it's all serious until the sneeze...i don't like the last line. its not strong enough. no one thinks death oh ...sneezes... go for something more unpleasant. the poem seems kinda mysterious a little i don't know why. i love that you say more elegant than truth...i think thats a great line.
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by beth freese | [ Reply to This ]
      It kind of goes into humor at the last with the sneeze (at least to me - that might not have been your intent). I like this a lot - it's fresh and delightfully poisonous.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Sort of funny. Are we talking about lies like, the exterior of a pretty flower? Something so pretty it seems like it's lying but it's not really cause it's just an innocent flower caught up in the strange web called "life" or...biology xD
    Sorrysorry :x Durring comments I like to rant and try to relate some of my own ideas. I don't usually try to "critique."

    Sitting in Frenchclass boredly reading stuff. xD
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Mieko | [ Reply to This ]
      You do have a way with words I must say. Isnt it that way. You get drawn into lies that offer so much and just when you are sucked in you realise what a mish mash of complete hash they are and it does wiother your soul. Well put

    Kate
    xxx
    | Posted on 2006-04-19 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the way this and all of your poems seem to read with a flow thats a lot like thought- It's almost as if you are revealing the truth to the reader as well as feeling it as you go.

    graceful as white calla lillies
    poisonous as oleander
    intoxicating as cocaine

    I really like the parrallel structure of these lines-for some reason it grabs my attention and makes me more involved in your description.
    I love the sneeze analogy as well, I think its very original and adds a great twist to your subject. great job.
    Laura


    | Posted on 2006-11-11 00:00:00 | by etheariac | [ Reply to This ]


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