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    dots Submission Name: Lovers and Strangersdots

    Author: Von Django
    ASL Info:    32/M/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.79 - 119/148/32
    Words: 28
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 1247
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 229


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    dotsLovers and Strangersdots

    Stretched out
    Like some gorgeous sloth
    You yawned
    Doe eyed and blinking
    Without thinking
    Murmured something
    About the rise and fall
    Of everyone you knew
    Before me

    Submitted on 2006-01-05 16:56:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Oh wow.
    First off, thankyou for your comment on Better Than Whiskey.
    Secondly, you did a fabulous job of summing up one moment in time. I'd say, the characters in Better Than Whiskey had this exact moment, the morning after.
    Oh I'm so curious as to what she might have said. It seems as though she summed it up in just a few words. Or something of the sort. I dont know.
    I loved it.
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      hm. i liked this, but i'm not sure i totally got it. i enjoyed the use of irony with the sloth. but the end is just kind of unclear, it leaves it up for interpretation which is good, but i think maybe i would need a few more hints as to what you were remfering to with the words this other person spoke. though it still made me think which is a good thing, i like poems that make me think.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ]
      an observation in time about someone special to you I assume. sort of puts you or whatever you were thinking into perspective, eh? very well-written and revealing poem. just a peek. but very nice.
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good.
    And shows the insensitiveness of that persona dn the pain of the other person.
    I liked it.
    Short and sweet.
    | Posted on 2006-10-07 00:00:00 | by Xx_bang_bang_ | [ Reply to This ]
      It is really just a peek, but very interesting. I agree, a few more hints would be good, but just a few, ‘cause I kind of like this open space that you left for the readers to explore, or to imagine.
    In the first few lines you were describing this girl. Then you said what she had said. And strangely, her words gave me a better, more vivid picture than descriptions of her. I liked that detail.
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]

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