Lovers and Strangers -------------------------------------------
Stretched out
Like some gorgeous sloth
You yawned
Doe eyed and blinking
And
Without thinking
Murmured something
About the rise and fall
Of everyone you knew
Before me
Oh wow. First off, thankyou for your comment on Better Than Whiskey. Secondly, you did a fabulous job of summing up one moment in time. I'd say, the characters in Better Than Whiskey had this exact moment, the morning after. Oh I'm so curious as to what she might have said. It seems as though she summed it up in just a few words. Or something of the sort. I dont know. I loved it. -Andrya
hm. i liked this, but i'm not sure i totally got it. i enjoyed the use of irony with the sloth. but the end is just kind of unclear, it leaves it up for interpretation which is good, but i think maybe i would need a few more hints as to what you were remfering to with the words this other person spoke. though it still made me think which is a good thing, i like poems that make me think.
an observation in time about someone special to you I assume. sort of puts you or whatever you were thinking into perspective, eh? very well-written and revealing poem. just a peek. but very nice.
It is really just a peek, but very interesting. I agree, a few more hints would be good, but just a few, ‘cause I kind of like this open space that you left for the readers to explore, or to imagine. In the first few lines you were describing this girl. Then you said what she had said. And strangely, her words gave me a better, more vivid picture than descriptions of her. I liked that detail.
Submission Name: Lovers and Strangers
