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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lust: The Smoke and the Sounddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kma12790
    Elite Ratio:    2.55 - 28/41/18
    Words: 281
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 990
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1798



    Description:
       I know it's long, but dont be deterred!!!
    PLEASE READ/COMMENT/BASH!!

    im hoping to subimt this for publication in the future but i desperately need opinions other than those of my friends and colleagues who aremuch much too nice.



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLust: The Smoke and the Sounddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Revelations of Smoke and Sound

    his lips, red and stained from the passions of love
    parted and released a single note that flung itself into the air
    as if it'd been sitting on the steamy brink of his throat

    since the dawn of time
    anxiously awaiting this moment of release and fulfillment

    it hung in the winter air with the pride and brilliance of something irrepressibly new
    and rightfully so
    because it's incomprehensible that any sound
    of the same capacity
    had ever been uttered in the presence human ears

    in that moment the outlines and differentiating features of everything
    in the circumference of my glance
    were lost
    and i was standing in a blur of pure unadulterated color and motion

    the only thing I remember
    that I can coherently articulate
    is his breath
    the one that catapulted a note and a new standard of lustful radiance into the world

    itís heat was rejected by the racist winter air
    deemed insoluble
    and its white, transparent body thrashed and coiled through the air
    with the perverted grace of a drunken ballerina
    it acrobated heavenward and clashed with the bliss that was his note

    their juxtaposition melted into unitation
    and thoughts were pushed across my consciousness
    as if I wasnít actually thinking
    but was merely a puppet
    whose master was feeding me notions through my ears

    looking up i saw, intertwined, the smoke and the song, like sinner and saint, were both beautiful and terrible in the same instant

    And then I realized, the same could be said about love.




    Submitted on 2006-01-05 19:43:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I don't find it too wordy at all, to be honest. I am not full of great advice or know alot about poetry but I say how it makes me feel or rather go on that emotion. I liked it, loved the vocabulary and choices of words. I think I got what you were saying although I am offten wrong.(Or just weird:) If I could give you a color to express my thoughts it would be red. Not because red is love but because it is the color on the canvis that you painted for me. A becoming picture full of meaning and beaty, though the canvis is still seen.
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by Kalis | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    86571

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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