Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: African Jeweldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: K
    ASL Info:    26/Namibia/Africa
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 183/172/46
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 756



    Description:
       A poem I wrote more than 10 years ago. I've changed it some what... following some of the advise that I've recieved here. It's about my country... not that that is all there is to say about it. Any advise, feedback, comments.

    thanks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAfrican Jeweldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Where seas a vast and mountains meet
    beauty emerges, so desolate, so great
    Where cattle graze barren pastures
    vast savannah conquers drought

    Place where antelope dash with fright
    there where eagles take to flight,
    and beetles shun the scorching sun;
    here the hyenas haunt the night

    Land of golden grassy plains
    seas of endless desert sand
    Land of thrilling sunsets
    contrasting sites, so rare, so grand

    Hooting taxis roam her streets
    while children's laughter echo through her mountain tops
    She is unique
    Proud
    She is our land
    Our home

    God Bless
    The desert heart of Africa
    Namibia




    Submitted on 2006-01-06 00:13:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow.. i like this poem. I really want to visit now. Its a good piece about your country. and i received a detialed/ beautiful image in my head. ^_^ I enjoyed it. loved it^_^


    kay
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Kay | [ Reply to This ]
      Hooting taxis roam her streets
    while children's laughter
    (echo through her mountain tops)
    She is unique
    Proud
    She is our land
    Our home

    God Bless
    The desert heart of Africa
    Namibia

    (God bless
    the desert heart of Namibia
    jewel of Africa)

    i have place my thoughts in parentheses so that you will know what my suggestions are. i think that it would flow much better if the (echo) line were drop for effect. i also tweaked the last line. my thinking was to finish the piece with the title of the poem. when ever a poet can achieve this in their poems they have done a tremendous job. it fortifies the readers delight in what they have just read. its like an exclamation point if you will. i think that the line with the children laughing is exquisite. to me you captured the strength of your people with that phrase. excellent!!

    all-in-all i really loved your piece on your home country. i thought that it was well written and skillfully crafted. the theme is potent and and the thrust was dynamic. great job!!!
    remember, my suggestions are just that, it is up to you to tweak your own work.
    i have enjoyed my stay here. ill be back for sure.

    God bless you.
    john-paul

    p.s. when you get a chance read" the crimson shadow of wonder" i think that you would really like it. its new, but b/c i have been posting about 3-5 poems a week here it almost feels old. jason left a comment on that one. just thought that you would want to know.

    Jesus sits forever as King!!!
    | Posted on 2006-12-29 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is a very good painted picture seen through your eyes. Africa has a raw beauty to it.
    As we all know She has two sides and this poem lets the reader see the side that is most desirable.
    I like how you decribe the landscape in stanza's 1 and 3.
    Stanza 2 gives us a look at the beast the roam the plains by night. You could have painted a picture of frenzied animals feeding but you allowed the reader to see the beauty of the animal themselves.
    Most people think of Africa as a land of savage animals and poverty stricken inhabitants, There is that, but there is a beauty to the land.

    I visited Africa a few times many years ago. My visit was not one of vacation but of military duties. I did enjoy the simplicity of the country.
    Nothing is pretencious about her. She is what she is.

    Stay true to your roots and they will serve you well. Peace and happiness.

    Nicely written. loved it.

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful
    Simply beautiful
    I loved this write
    I am not from Africa and I have never been there but there has always been this desire inside of me to see her Beauty at least once close up
    You should be Proud of your self
    If I were you I would submit this to the African Government I do believe it is that good
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-07-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the first poem that I've read on eliteskills that have been written about an African country. I have to say that it was really good. You did an excellent job of portraying the beauty and grandeur of the land, sunsets, and everything else. I really enjoyed reading it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, are you really from namibia? Well, I'm from africa too. Except I'm from zimbabwe. Well, this is a nice poem. Afdrica is beautiful isn't it?
    Well, you have very good imagery girl, I could really feel the beauty and appreciate it.
    Africa's a unique place eh?

    Holler!
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Writer Chic | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    86602

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry