Description: A poem I wrote more than 10 years ago. I've changed it some what... following some of the advise that I've recieved here. It's about my country... not that that is all there is to say about it. Any advise, feedback, comments.
Hooting taxis roam her streets while children's laughter (echo through her mountain tops) She is unique Proud She is our land Our home
God Bless The desert heart of Africa Namibia
(God bless the desert heart of Namibia jewel of Africa)
i have place my thoughts in parentheses so that you will know what my suggestions are. i think that it would flow much better if the (echo) line were drop for effect. i also tweaked the last line. my thinking was to finish the piece with the title of the poem. when ever a poet can achieve this in their poems they have done a tremendous job. it fortifies the readers delight in what they have just read. its like an exclamation point if you will. i think that the line with the children laughing is exquisite. to me you captured the strength of your people with that phrase. excellent!!
all-in-all i really loved your piece on your home country. i thought that it was well written and skillfully crafted. the theme is potent and and the thrust was dynamic. great job!!! remember, my suggestions are just that, it is up to you to tweak your own work. i have enjoyed my stay here. ill be back for sure.
God bless you. john-paul
p.s. when you get a chance read" the crimson shadow of wonder" i think that you would really like it. its new, but b/c i have been posting about 3-5 poems a week here it almost feels old. jason left a comment on that one. just thought that you would want to know.
I think this is a very good painted picture seen through your eyes. Africa has a raw beauty to it. As we all know She has two sides and this poem lets the reader see the side that is most desirable. I like how you decribe the landscape in stanza's 1 and 3. Stanza 2 gives us a look at the beast the roam the plains by night. You could have painted a picture of frenzied animals feeding but you allowed the reader to see the beauty of the animal themselves. Most people think of Africa as a land of savage animals and poverty stricken inhabitants, There is that, but there is a beauty to the land.
I visited Africa a few times many years ago. My visit was not one of vacation but of military duties. I did enjoy the simplicity of the country. Nothing is pretencious about her. She is what she is.
Stay true to your roots and they will serve you well. Peace and happiness.
This is beautiful Simply beautiful I loved this write I am not from Africa and I have never been there but there has always been this desire inside of me to see her Beauty at least once close up You should be Proud of your self If I were you I would submit this to the African Government I do believe it is that good God Bless Ron
This is the first poem that I've read on eliteskills that have been written about an African country. I have to say that it was really good. You did an excellent job of portraying the beauty and grandeur of the land, sunsets, and everything else. I really enjoyed reading it.
wow, are you really from namibia? Well, I'm from africa too. Except I'm from zimbabwe. Well, this is a nice poem. Afdrica is beautiful isn't it? Well, you have very good imagery girl, I could really feel the beauty and appreciate it. Africa's a unique place eh?