To a dear friend (revised) by wordsofmind

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Submission Name: To a dear friend (revised) dots

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Author:	wordsofmind
ASL Info:	18/F/Quebec, Canada
Elite Ratio:	5.51 - 175/174/54
Words:	165

Class/Type:	Poetry/Friendship
Total Views:	232
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1005

Description:
Hopefully a better version of the song. Though modified, still holds the same meaning.

To a dear friend (revised) dots

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It was a two-hour journey to a land two hours away.
You have no friends there or a compass to guide you the way.
Difficult, would be the just word to describe your position
And it's easier said than done for you to recondition.

You left your noble beau and faithful friend behind,
For who your memories go over in your mind.
Their unique love and friendship, you can never deal.
Even for the Evil One's never-ending thrill.

Stand up. Smile. It aches within, but don’t shed a tear.
Be strong, tenacious, confident, and have no fear.
It's the end of a chapter - not of the story.
It will take time, but you will restore your glory.

Keep in mind, no matter the space between you and me,
Our firm as rock sisterhood will never cease to be.
For they say, "The road to a friend’s house is never long."
We will support each other in times of right and wrong.

Submitted on 2006-01-06 02:07:48 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  "It was a two-hour journey to a land two hours away."

That's a really cool opening line. How often does real time not equal our projections. The time it would take would feel every minute that it was without friends to make the journey a little easier.

At first I took this write to be between a girl and a guy, but then I learn it is a 'sisterhood.' You are trying to encourage them through the harshness of reality.

Well done.

L.
| Posted on 2006-01-15 00:00:00 | by Limerence | [ Reply to This ]
  I read this then re-read the original and you managed to keep the same quaility that you had in the original, improving and expanding the word base. I have to say the first post on the page had a slight if not pedantic point, I think you may lose the repeat of two hours, however i feel it's a very menial thing and doesn't take anything from the piece whether it's there or not had they not mentioned it i wouldn't of even clocked on.
I'm really glad you didn't edit "the road to a friend's house is never long" as that really is a superb line, and it really adds to the piece.
An outstanding re-write..
Take care
Danny
| Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]
  I think I may have commented on the first version of this lyric (which is, by the way, a rock solid dedication to sisterhood, transition and friendship). All of the qualities that made this write memorable are still here the second time around ('the road to a friend's house is never long' still resonates as the heart of the poem). Beautifully sentimental and well written. Take care. Bill.
| Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  i can only find one flaw here and that is just the oxymoron at the beginning. "It was a two-hour journey to a land two hours away." seems pointless. try "a two hour journey to a land not-so-far away".
| Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by mysticwarloc | [ Reply to This ]

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