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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: There Dawned a Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Smee
    ASL Info:    17/M/UK
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 28/33/11
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 189
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 793



    Description:
       This is based on a memory I have from the end of a week long hike round the yorkshire peaks, if you've never seen pen-y-gent at sunrise I suggest you do.


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    dotsThere Dawned a Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    At six o’clock there dawned a day
    Sun rose on mountainside.
    We climbed together up frozen stone
    With caves in which to hide.

    The night been hard, the trek been long;
    Ten miles, three hours, uphill.
    He grabbed my hand and pulled me up,
    On top I felt the chill.

    The culmination of sixty miles,
    Five days to reach this spot.
    We stared across the broken sky
    And felt the heavens drop.

    We stood there in the pouring rain
    And streams ran down my back.
    We didn’t care to walk away,
    We spied heaven through a crack.

    My companion then embraced me hard,
    The sun arose to show
    A man of steel and fortitude
    My father, I miss him so.




    Submitted on 2006-01-06 08:21:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a beautiful poem with a really nice flow and rhythm. I also liked your rhyme scheme. I only saw 1 flaw, in the following line.
    The night been hard, the trek been long; (it should read) The night's been hard, the trek's been long;
    Good overall write!
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by oixi | [ Reply to This ]
      oh, this one is good. you made me think that your companion was just a friend. but as i got to the middle part, i noticed that their relationship was more of 'friends'. cool. something different from the typical narration of experience. <haha. i mean, poetry of experience> i like the ending...
    My companion then embraced me hard,
    The sun arose to show
    A man of steel and fortitude
    My father, I miss him so.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by eixia | [ Reply to This ]



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