[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: All of me...dots

    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 765
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 728

       The purpose of this write is twofold:
    1. One of my children is mentally dependant on me (my outer-child! LOL!)...so my life is consumed with her health and well being...and,
    2. My inner-child...she's trying to grow...she was supressed long ago...and is needing to catch up...can't keep her in the darkness...she'll be frightened.

    This write is not the greatest...I didn't throw it together...there is a bit of thought in it...more sentimental value to me than anything else.

    Oh...and "sweet child of mine..." After I wrote this, I realized that Axel Rose uses this line in one of his songs...so, pardon the cliché...and compliments and thanks to his self.

    Comment if you like...always interested...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAll of me...dots

    Take this hand
    sweet child of mine,
    forever yours,
    steadfast with time.
    Seal your faith,
    grasp firm, hold tight.
    Together we
    will stand upright.

    Take this heart
    sweet child of mine
    This selfless love,
    pure and refined.
    And should your self
    endurance lack,
    with tender care,
    I'll guide you back

    Take this soul
    sweet child of mine,
    my life is yours
    'til end of time.
    And if in darkness
    way is lost,
    This love for you
    shall not exhaust.

    Take all of me,
    my heart and soul,
    my hand, my life,
    that you be whole.

    Submitted on 2006-01-06 10:26:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is beautiful. It reminds me of the feelings I had for my daughter when she was very young. She's currently living with me because she got upset with her man and moved out but had nowhere to go. Parenthood runs deep, at least for me and you. We want to be there forever for them. I admire your diligence and patience in being your childs caretaker and I know from reading this it must be a rewarding chore for it must surely be appreciated. I know mental disease can be so debilitating, you must be a very loving soul to so dedicate yourself. I'm impressed, truly, God bless!!
    | Posted on 2014-02-04 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the flow of the poem. The rhymes did not seem forced at all. I also like how you give your inner child yourself just to make her whole. This poem moved me and I want to thank you for that.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by dude90998 | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the idea of taking care of that inner child
    that has been so wounded. as adults, we so
    much need to reach deep inside and comfort
    her and remind her of her beauty and how much
    she is loved. you have done that simply and
    beautifully. thanks for the reminder to take
    care of the inner parts of ourselves as well as
    the outer parts. they do go hand-in-hand...

    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful. I liked the last stanza and these words:

    And should your self
    endurance lack,
    with tender care,
    I'll guide you back

    Were brilliant. This is definately an honest and moving piece. Oozing with love. Nice stuff. thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite beautiful, and I'm at a loss as to what else to say, the flow is perfect and the words are heartfelt. There's nothing to critique, it's very clear, easy to read and creates a nice feeling within.

    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for asking me to read this poem, it was beautiful. It's written as a small child would hear it, as if you were talking to a small child. Thats also what i was trying to do in "No More, Mommy", (quote mommy) i was trying to make it sound as if it was a little child cry for everything to stop. You said that it wasn't quite good, but i think it was very good. It just sounds so simple and sweet, just as if you were just trying to show that little child that you care and you're not trying to hurt them.

    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    True Death written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]