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    dots Submission Name: The Seconds Go Bydots

    Author: Flamequill
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77/97/35
    Words: 388
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 1129
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2490

       I like this poem, wrote it while I was real down, but it reflects how I feel....yeah don't be too hard on it.

    Two stanzas are dedicated to a different friend. Maybe they could figure out who I'm talking about.

    Oh and RAB/Mr Mentor.....I'm sorry I'm not half as good at poetry as you

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Seconds Go Bydots

    The seconds go by
    and I question myself
    not knowing who I am
    thinking I'm not good enough

    But I remember our talks
    and how I am good enough
    valueable enough to live
    good enough to love

    The seconds go by
    and I want to be with you
    waiting for the moments
    that I even think of you

    But I remember I'm yours
    and that you chose to say yes
    though it's hard to see eachother
    we're still together in our minds

    The seconds go by
    and I want to be you
    to have your strenght and will
    most of all your skill

    But I remember my pact
    to always be me
    you helped to be me
    now it's my turn to be free

    The seconds go by
    and you want to be him
    you need his strength and power
    and need to be exactly like him

    But I remember your tries
    and I know you can't win
    you'll be another
    and you can't fight the truth

    The seconds go by
    and I remember your blood
    how you helped me
    but I can't help you

    But I remember your love
    and your great strength
    you'll get through this, my friend
    being happy later on

    The seconds go by
    and I feel your heart cry
    I know it's hard right now
    but she'll come round real soon

    But I remeber her battle
    her tears and her love
    she's not ready for you
    just wait for her. Soon

    The seconds go by
    and I want to console you
    but I know I'm not apt
    my words are no use

    But I remember your battle
    your tears and your love
    your not ready for him
    just wait till you are

    The seconds go by
    and I hope we're always friends
    it's so fun to be around you
    without all our friends

    But I remember our all our tears
    and all of that pain
    but still will we help eachother
    see light in the rain

    The seconds go by
    and I hope we meet again
    to see each other's lives
    in bloom and still ripe

    And I know we'll remember
    all the times that we had
    cuz you friends are forever
    together till the end....

    Submitted on 2006-01-06 10:29:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      But I remember our talks
    and how I am good enough
    valueable enough to live
    good enough to love

    The fact that you even doubted this was true begs for help. How can you feel so low as to deny yourself that right?

    The seconds go by
    and you want to be him
    you need his strength and power
    and need to be exactly like him

    I have to say i like this one pretty well. It works okay.

    Overall this poem drags on. But i have to say it's forcibly sad. It makes it seem overdramatic. You seem to live for the drama in which you write. Don't allow yourself to be bottled up in your own grief for the little issues in your life. look at the good things, the things you have and love to have and do. The people who make you life worth it and write about them. How you feel when you're with them, or how you feel when the day is going well. Don't live in that overinflated ego of yours.

    Your Apollo
    | Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Oddly Normal | [ Reply to This ]
      No offense but yes it does droan on.. Its pretty cool how there is a stanza for each person but it seems forced and long..

    Try to shorten it up and try not to repeat the same word more than once in each stanza or it defeats the flow of the piece.

    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a wonderful poem, the thing is you don't get right down to the point. You drag it on and I find that it's to long. Maybe shorten it up. I like the flow and the imagery is nice. Wonderful write.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]

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