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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Darkness and My Firedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ashlee_jane2003
    ASL Info:    24-female-Indianapolis
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 210/210/39
    Words: 229
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 214
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1327



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Darkness and My Firedots
    -------------------------------------------


    He is darkness in the shadows,
    The source of all the night,
    And in these lurking depths
    Is where his feelings are kept tight.

    He is this dark figure of the fire,
    Eyes of glow and red,
    Composed of silence and sarcasm,
    They say his soul is dead.

    But beneath the shell of cold,
    And below all of the strengths,
    Above his purest hatred,
    Lies compassion in fair lengths.

    I dream to see much deeper,
    Know more of what is inside,
    But all he gives is this cold shoulder,
    And will not reveal his other side.

    To him I am the opposite,
    My attraction does not make sense.
    Compassionate and kind,
    Innocence is my essence.

    To me he appears in perfection,
    The most handsome in my eyes,
    Intelligent and cunning,
    More than worthy to be a prize.

    He could never understand,
    And I could never tell him why;
    Whenever it is he glances at me
    I am holding back to cry.

    To know I cannot have something,
    The only thing my heart does desire...
    Just for him to know these feelings;
    My rays of light come only from his fire.







    Submitted on 2006-01-06 13:40:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Definatly a favorite.I loved every stanza,the way it flowed,and the ryhme.One thing I would consider changing,though,is how you said,"More than worthy to be a prize."...If you want...change it to,"More worthy than any prize." I think it will work out better and make a tiny bit more sense.But,for all it is your write and feel free to take my suggestion.But,it is also good the way it is,so don't hesitate to keep it that way. :)

    ->Candace<-
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by ArtichokeMosher | [ Reply to This ]
      i really enjoyed this, it reminded me of a guy i knew once. it was really well written i liked your rhyme scheme and the word choice was wonderful. i think you did a really good job. you can feel your emotions and how you truely feel.
    good job.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by ira | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a pretty cool piece, i enjoyed it.
    there wasn't to much i didn't understand about it, you drew it out quite well. so, nope nothing i'd really change about it. well done.

    thanks for sharing, hope to see more.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Cannablisjunkie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this piece, especially because it reminds me of an ex-boyfriend of mine. It truley is a great right. I don't know anything more about this poem then to say it's great.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by sinister_always | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the use of rhyme, and it's wonderfuly written. I find the flow of the poem to be a bit off. "Whenever it is he glances at me" not all sure if that is a simple grammer error, or if it is suppose to be like that. I found that part hard to follow.
    "I dream to see much deeper,
    Know more of what is inside,
    But all he gives is this cold shoulder,
    And will not reveal his other side."
    I love this stanza, really show your longing to understand him. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Autum-Moon | [ Reply to This ]



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