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Deception


Author: Mr.Mentor
ASL Info:    18 Male Sparta
Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 5 /10 /3
Words: 60
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 958
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 449



Description:


This was written Feb, 28 2004 at 4:32AM. I wrote it for my ex when we were still dating. I thought I had to try to protect her from goings on in my life, I was wrong and told her after we broke up.
This isn't one of my best, but it is one of my less grim ones.


Deception



Though Decieve you,
I have done.

The love I gave,
Was second to none.

I thought 'twas,
For the best.

I didn't mean,
To molest.

Though I lied,
I seek forgiveness.

Just to speak out,
And give you this.

Just to tell you,
I'm sorry.

But I had to,
Now that's another story.




Submitted on 2006-01-06 15:00:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
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Comments


  Hey pretty good rhymes..
I like the couplets as a style and have always favored them.

I think that if you swtched this - -
I thought 'twas,
For the best.

I didn't mean,
To molest.

To being "it was" instead of "twas" it would sound alot better because of the syllables.
It would just flow better.

Also - -YOu should definately eliminate a "Just"
in these stanzas
"Just to speak out,
And give you this.

Just to tell you,
I'm sorry."

Because repeating "Just" defeats the flow of it.

.Amber.
| Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, well it's hard to rate poetry when you know who it's about. Especially one like this...what do I say? I guess the best thing to say is nothing? Maybe even that it's great that at least you're getting along with her. Still it's a good poem and it has your style, which as a poet I'm jelous of.

Paco the Poet of Arson
| Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Flamequill | [ Reply to This ]


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