Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The eyes of the hanged mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gothik
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 94/133/31
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 982
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       This is not about me. But I felt it needed to be out of my mind. So enjoy!


    Neko,
    gothik poet.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe eyes of the hanged mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hanged by the ceiling I watch upon you.
    This wire around my neck is tightening.
    But don't be affraid you little fool.
    I may be dead but I am still watching.

    Look in my eyes and you will see.
    A world of desolation I will show you.
    It may look painfull as you dazed at me.
    But the world in my eyes is the world of you.

    Take my hand, I'll take you.
    In the deepest part of my mind.
    Where only your conscience will haunt you.
    Because that hate you had made your eyes blind.

    You once killed me,
    And now as I am looking at you,
    With all the strenght of your arms you hold me.
    But now you'll sleep no more because you loosed.

    By winning against me,
    You lost to yourself.
    And by looking at me hanged that way.
    I might want to shut that conscience and shut yourself.




    Submitted on 2006-01-07 11:21:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this was a really gripping poem. It was kinda heart-rending to me for some reason. Very emotional, but indiferent at the same time.

    The very first line drags you in and with each word it pulls you in even further, sucking you into its gripping depths. Question, what exactly does the last line mean?!?!? Think of me as stupid or whatever for not knowing what it means, but, hey, I like finding out more about others poetry.

    Damn good write, gonna read a few more of yours, oh, hey, could you do me a favor if you want, comment on my poem "My Personal Columbine". That's only if you want to though, I'm not gonna push it.

    Good job!

    *~Skye Caldwell~*
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey hun.

    Very nice write.

    Hung from the ceiling, dead, but I still see all. That is so awesome. You are so freakin' talented!

    I really don't know what else to say about it. Although I do wonder what the insiration behind this one was.

    It looks like everyone has already commented on the grammar and the spelling. But those are easy fixes.

    Keep writing, hun.
    Luv ya.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how your voice is different. I like this poem. It's metaphorical without losing it's meaning and getting confusing. You do a really good job of creating feeling and emotion.

    ~Luna
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by White_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! bloomin wow! what a unique view! Your use of imagery is amzing! it really drew me in so i could almost see the scene! What a powerful tool...or weapon! lol, my fave line was "Where only your conscience will haunt you" just loved it!
    | Posted on 2006-01-07 00:00:00 | by bambi144 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice Write! I really like the point of view from the hanging man's eyes. A couple of gramatical errors, but it was still good.
    | Posted on 2006-01-07 00:00:00 | by metalman_21 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like that its from the point of view of the hanged man...its important to change views around in different pieces. as for grammer and such.. you might want to change loosed to lost and hangd to hung in soem of the lines, other then that its and amazing piece.
    ~lauren
    | Posted on 2006-01-07 00:00:00 | by blahblahgurl | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    86735

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Eyes written by homeless
    Forget written by Crestfallenman
    Post Naturalism written by cornonthekob
    coping mechanism written by cornonthekob
    Untitled - 12/12/2017 written by homeless
    trish trillion written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled - 8/2017 written by homeless
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    Jar (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    More written by homeless
    Sleeping Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Would You... written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Reveled Night written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dreamt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I Wonder If written by Wolfwatching
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Shading written by saartha
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    I Believed written by homeless
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    burning confusion written by cornonthekob
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Moon and Me written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry