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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: dance with medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EV2884
    ASL Info:    21years/female/michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.88 - 53/48/15
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Vampire
    Total Views: 190
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 422



    Description:
       wanted to know if this poem is good or bad


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsdance with medots
    -------------------------------------------


    dark one come to me
    in my dreams
    dance with me make me
    sway with you
    hold on to me like there
    is no tommorrow.
    kiss me as we fall
    from grace,
    oh dark one tell me
    your darkest secret
    tell me what you hide
    night after night,
    i wait for you to come to
    me.
    in the secret place in my
    dreams so we can dance together.




    Submitted on 2006-01-07 18:00:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is very interesting.
    It looks like you have some sort of grown up imaginary friend.
    Pay attention to punctuation even in poetry.
    just to avoid repeating the word, I would use 'deepest secret' instead of darkest.
    Let's dance tonight!
    D
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. Even though you call it darlk one you're still attracted to it. I say it's pretty good. I especially like the lines "kiss me as we fall from grace." I wish you luck.

    ~Luna
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by White_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this very much. It is descriptive and visual and I like that. My only advice is may be break it up into two parts so that it does not read as one big section.

    I am looking forward to reading more x
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by sunraybutterfly | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a bit off tempo-so you might want to change that. but I liked it. It was creepy in a good way.Bad comment, I know. Sorry.
    x
    caroline
    | Posted on 2006-01-07 00:00:00 | by mysweetsuicide | [ Reply to This ]
      nice write. Very descriptive. Very dark. It was absolutely awesome. I love vampires and stuff liek that. The flow was a bit off but it didn't distract from the poem. Keep up the great work.

    -Tyler-
    | Posted on 2006-01-07 00:00:00 | by ragdoll94 | [ Reply to This ]
      love your poem.who or what is the dark one? i like the way youve madeyour own little world through this relationship.i like the idea of tempting darkness
    | Posted on 2006-01-07 00:00:00 | by groucho1 | [ Reply to This ]



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