Now, Kim, don't be pissed, I did this because I wanted to comment on your poetry when our friendship was strewn out on the rocks and continually beaten by the sands of time... sorry, I went off a little.
I want you to read the comments...I want you to find the one that seems the most like me. You can read some of your other things, that are near the age of this one, and try and figure it out. All the while keeping in mind that...well, I did it because, I ah, love you?
*Crossing fingers that you aren't going to hate me again*
Oh, and I changed my gender, not really, just for the alias. I may not like being a girl, but, uhm, I would never get a gender job. No, not okay.
This was a lovely write! I enjoyed it verily, especially now that clouds are just depressing in my side of the world. They are just so gray, so sad... full of tears they want to release...
But you depict a much different setting, one of heavenly beauty. Your use of visual imagery is astonishingly beautiful, and it shows the level of your talent.
The only criticism is that there seems to be unintended irony when you claim that the persona is lying/flying. I can imagine one of those, but not both simultaneously as they seem contradictory in this context.
Apart from that, I enjoyed this truly.Thanks for sharing it.
(Just so you know I'm using the helpy thing at the bottom 'coz I can't critique well!) I liked the message and the story behind it. I felt it very peaceful and calm, what was the background to the piece? I didn't like how the stanzas were set out, I would have had it all as one stanza, but each to their own! It made me feel somewhat calm due to the imagery that you use especially "in this blissful night." It made me think of exactly what you appeared to be putting accross in your words, the images were very clear to me. There was a certain feel of originality to the piece from my point of view. I hope this was helpful -Irvine-
Hmmm, this seems really happy but at the same time kinda sad. Though that might just be caze Akili's feeling a bit tired right now *laughs akwardly* I love the first stanza a lot, it's really cool. So.. yeah.. sorry I can't write more about this; I just can't think of what to say.
The imagery is peaceable, yet for some reason I get the feeling that deep within is a hidden longing, something out of your reach, something you could die for, but refuse to completely open yourself in order to aquire this fixation your mind is telling you you have to have.
Sorry, I made a happy poem tousle. I meant no harm with my words, I only say what I feel. Poetry makes me feel deeper...makes me want to live and know what the master holding the pen is living.
This is you last poem, I am sad to say, so I will move on to another, if you have any thing you think I should read, please tell me.
Peaceful. (takes a deep breath, lets it out) Ya, definately peaceful. Thank you, I really needed that. I wish I was on that cloud,"soaring so high, gliding in this blissful night." Alas, the night is slipping by, and I must go.
Hey, here it is again! Looks like your startin' all over again. On a happy note. But isn't that where you started last time? Don't forget about precipitation. Ha. Wait, that's where you got your name...
"Don't tell me not to live, just sit an' putta life's candy, and the suns a bowl o' butta don't bring around the clouds and Rain on my paraaaaaade..." -Striesand
There are good clouds and bad clouds. Here's to Kim staying ontop of the good one, not under the grey one.
Why is there only one comment on this ? ...Its fantastic ....so mystical ...i think i fell in love with every word ...I love the simple lay out and the breezy way i flowed right through it ...it was very calming ...very pretty ...Well Done
a very happy piece, something we all want to do as we stare up at the clouds wondering about what is next to come, i liked this piece, i can never find the right words for a happy poem lol a s'pose just looking at all my submissions would tell you that, the only real problem i had with this piece was its length while some poems are great as a short read i think the idea you wrote about could have been taken further, other then that thank you for brightening my day ++My Pain++