Cloud by Rain

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Submission Name: Cloud dots

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Author:	Rain
ASL Info:	18/F/Idaho
Elite Ratio:	3.84 - 518/501/64
Words:	58

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	335
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	384

Description:

Cloud

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Elevated in the sky,
on my cloud of clouds;
sitting in awe of purple skies.

Soaring so high,
gliding in this blissful night.

Standing among the birds
having a talk about the sun.

I lie among the petals
of flying flowers.
One with my cloud.

Lie and fly
I float away.

Submitted on 2006-01-07 22:50:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Now, Kim, don't be pissed, I did this because I wanted to comment on your poetry when our friendship was strewn out on the rocks and continually beaten by the sands of time... sorry, I went off a little.

I want you to read the comments...I want you to find the one that seems the most like me. You can read some of your other things, that are near the age of this one, and try and figure it out. All the while keeping in mind that...well, I did it because, I ah, love you?

*Crossing fingers that you aren't going to hate me again*

Oh, and I changed my gender, not really, just for the alias. I may not like being a girl, but, uhm, I would never get a gender job. No, not okay.

Much love.
Bon
| Posted on 2006-09-21 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a lovely write! I enjoyed it verily, especially now that clouds are just depressing in my side of the world. They are just so gray, so sad... full of tears they want to release...

But you depict a much different setting, one of heavenly beauty. Your use of visual imagery is astonishingly beautiful, and it shows the level of your talent.

The only criticism is that there seems to be unintended irony when you claim that the persona is lying/flying. I can imagine one of those, but not both simultaneously as they seem contradictory in this context.

Apart from that, I enjoyed this truly.Thanks for sharing it.
| Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by HansRik | [ Reply to This ]
  (Just so you know I'm using the helpy thing at the bottom 'coz I can't critique well!)
I liked the message and the story behind it. I felt it very peaceful and calm, what was the background to the piece?
I didn't like how the stanzas were set out, I would have had it all as one stanza, but each to their own!
It made me feel somewhat calm due to the imagery that you use especially "in this blissful night."
It made me think of exactly what you appeared to be putting accross in your words, the images were very clear to me.
There was a certain feel of originality to the piece from my point of view.
I hope this was helpful
-Irvine-
| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by irvine_valentin | [ Reply to This ]
  you seem to highlight that you are lying and flying, but you are also sitting and standing. that was a bit off for me.

i do like the sense this gives. it is very whimsical.

now, if I were a bit of daredevil and willing to go out on a limb to guess what this may be about I would say cloudbusting, but I am a little bit afraid to say so in case I am not correct... :-)
| Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm, this seems really happy but at the same time kinda sad. Though that might just be caze Akili's feeling a bit tired right now *laughs akwardly* I love the first stanza a lot, it's really cool. So.. yeah.. sorry I can't write more about this; I just can't think of what to say.
| Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
  *laughs* darling, what is it with you and those damn clouds? perhaps for your birthday i'll get you a huge cloud blanket...

*ahem* so, back to the piece... it's short, sweet and loveable. you always do such a good job in your poetry and the portrayal of your feelings.

lovely write,

-jess
| Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
  The imagery is peaceable, yet for some reason I get the feeling that deep within is a hidden longing, something out of your reach, something you could die for, but refuse to completely open yourself in order to aquire this fixation your mind is telling you you have to have.

Sorry, I made a happy poem tousle. I meant no harm with my words, I only say what I feel. Poetry makes me feel deeper...makes me want to live and know what the master holding the pen is living.

This is you last poem, I am sad to say, so I will move on to another, if you have any thing you think I should read, please tell me.

Kitty
| Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by I Exsist | [ Reply to This ]
  Peaceful. (takes a deep breath, lets it out) Ya, definately peaceful. Thank you, I really needed that. I wish I was on that cloud,"soaring so high, gliding in this blissful night." Alas, the night is slipping by, and I must go.
| Posted on 2006-01-14 00:00:00 | by Lil gal | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! Nice freakin job Kimbre Rain not insane!

Beautiful imagery and this is definately a stocking stuffer for the head. Its so small and fits into the tiny creavices in the mind and when you pull it out...you just say "AWWWWWW..."

Very well done ma friend! Two thumbs up!

| Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, here it is again! Looks like your startin' all over again. On a happy note. But isn't that where you started last time?
Don't forget about precipitation. Ha. Wait, that's where you got your name...

"Don't tell me not to live, just sit an' putta
life's candy, and the suns a bowl o' butta
don't bring around the clouds
and Rain on my paraaaaaade..."
-Striesand

There are good clouds and bad clouds. Here's to Kim staying ontop of the good one, not under the grey one.
| Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
  Why is there only one comment on this ? ...Its fantastic ....so mystical ...i think i fell in love with every word ...I love the simple lay out and the breezy way i flowed right through it ...it was very calming ...very pretty ...Well Done
| Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
  a very happy piece, something we all want to do as we stare up at the clouds wondering about what is next to come, i liked this piece, i can never find the right words for a happy poem lol a s'pose just looking at all my submissions would tell you that, the only real problem i had with this piece was its length while some poems are great as a short read i think the idea you wrote about could have been taken further, other then that thank you for brightening my day
++My Pain++
| Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]

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