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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Succoming to Idle exsistancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Queen_of_spades
    ASL Info:    17/f/under your bed
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 90/138/83
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 252
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 752



    Description:
       Overall, VERY redundant, and I kind of switched topics at the end....need feed-back.^_^


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSuccoming to Idle exsistancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A place where eyes forget to weep,
    and pray for nothing but to sleep.
    When every last drop of emotion has been bled out,and seemingly endless darkness decends upon the concious mind.
    When screaming becomes pointless,
    and crying becomes impossible.
    Where happyness and agony alike
    seem so far away.
    A place in the brain where emotion is shut down and becomes obsolete.
    Anger is lost upon nothingness and
    joy does not exsist.
    Depession is one step away,
    but sadness dries up before it awakens.
    Reducing humanity to robotic indifference.
    Dead, yet breathing.
    Alive, with still-born emotion.
    Numb.
    Exsistance in question. Are we really here?




    Submitted on 2006-01-07 23:04:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i kind of like it but think the end could be a lot better brit come on now..are we really here? you can do better. anyways there were a lot of spelling errors such as succumbing, depression(i hope that was an accident) happiness (hope that was too) and existence..there was one more but i forgot. anyways it was ok...
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      Let me address a couple of things-please don't shoot yourself in the foot before anyone else gets a chance to read what you have put down-people usually see a self criticism like this and don't read what you have written-I'm perverse I do the opposite. Second-this isn't terrible it is philosophical-there is a difference. Third-it doesn't matter how many times something is written about there is always, and I mean ALWAYS a different angle that someone hasn't seen or words that haven't been used in a combination to show us something different about what you are writing about. Fourth thing is that I read this and if you read this work with a rap type flow this poem reads very well. It reads well anyway but the proper reading technique is needed-which is why punctuation is so important here. And my friend you have put them exactly where they need to be. Give yourself a pat on the back from me and be proud of this.
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by auntwheezie | [ Reply to This ]
      This peice is mine, but I have found some fatal flaws in it.
    First; it's terrible.
    second; I compleatly changed topics in the end.
    third; I wrote about something that practically everyone else in the world has written about...
    fourth; so, in my un-originality, no one wants to read it.
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Queen_of_spades | [ Reply to This ]



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