Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Rape, Retolddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Poetry/Legend
    Total Views: 805
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1660



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Rape, Retolddots
    -------------------------------------------


    There’s no sweet welcome home, my child
    No bells will toll, no streamers rise
    No light will flood the dusty trail
    No clean walls or polished floors
    Just ten dark fingers to guide you through
    Ten battered knuckles, ten broken nails…



    They’ve come and stained my face again
    My lips are split, my eyes are shut
    My hair is shorn about the ears
    They’ve dripped and soiled my dress again
    I’ve tripped and skinned my knees
    Orcilla’s calling, Orcilla’s calling
    She tells me the moon hangs low tonight

    There’s a sparrow tapping on the glass
    He Morse-code’s me a fractured lullaby
    Twit-a-dee, my love, twit-a-dee-ee

    A fox has come to sleep in my burrow
    A man has come to hold my hand
    A man has come to push me down
    He smells of sulfur and roofing tar
    Of pipe tobacco and sun-bleached cotton
    Your face is in the sun, my child
    Your face is in the sun

    They’re whispering secrets again, dear one
    They’re plotting ruins underground
    They’ve marked the glass with soap and coal
    Your hands I see, your hands I see
    10,000 lines carved into stones
    10,000 more before I’m free



    There was a woman bound and gagged
    There was a room with many men
    There was a daughter fast asleep
    Who dreamed of sunshine and mother’s arms
    And now there is but memory
    And many debts to be repaid
    With sometimes brutal honesty
    But always wrapped in promises






    Submitted on 2006-01-07 23:53:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Sometimes one happens upon a piece they did not expect at that certain time or place.
    This is that time... And this is that piece...
    This is exquisite, painful and choking...

    The nice man is the bad man...
    But she knows that the bad is predominant...
    How confusing to a little girl...
    Reminds me of Blair Witch crossed with Hide and Seek...

    A very poetic and horrifically abstract way to retell something so traumatic it cannot be formed into everyday wordings...
    Nicely done.
    ~Syn
    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by Syn | [ Reply to This ]
      My God that was painful, but I'm ever so glad I read it. Extremely well done. Really. I need a breather. . . *slow breaths*
    you chronicled what is for many women, the most horrible experience of their lives. How you managed to express it so well... wow. I'm just going to stop talking - you know what I'm trying to say. It hurts because it feels real.
    Jessica
    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]
      wow I was back on this site wandering around trying to fine something actually worth reading and voila! This just flew like something interesting and original and worth the read for the story. The main thing I felt after I read it was these lines are so powerful They’ve marked the glass with soap and coal
    Your hands I see, your hands I see
    10,000 lines carved into stones
    10,000 more before I’m free"

    It gives that depressing sense of eternity.

    Yet at the same time this wasnt your typical run of the mill dramatically sad dark sob poem. It was melancholy, of course, The nature in it like the sparrow and the moon give this lighter sense of hope.

    Interesting style though, you can really work it.

    - Astarael
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by Astarael | [ Reply to This ]
      moving.

    um [censored],

    ok


    i'm not gonna go into any personal aspects of this but this is just amazingly done. Powerful, inspired....done tastefull and intelligently. The way you twist the words from one thing to the next is brillitant, each line sets the mood for next like a spiral going deeper and deeper untill you slap head first in the pit. this made me throw up, i'm already sick, but this made me that extra queesy enough to blow chunks. that's pretty powerfull if you ask me.

    i'm not in love with the style of this one, but more in awe of the talent and heart.

    [censored]ING BEAUTIFUL

    ryan
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know if I have read this correctly but it seems that mother and child are being kept against their will, both are being abused and they long for escape... You know, when I read this poem, I hated it, not just disliked it, but hated it. Then I realised why, it was because it struck a chord with me. I have since re-read it, four times to be exact and now I don't hate it. I admire it and I admire you for being able to write such a powerfully sad poem. Hat's off to you.
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
      yes the 10,000 was great, showed no hope of getting out.

    BUT!

    'A man has come to hold my hand
    A man has come to push me down'

    OMG Gut wrenching, the secure man to come and hold your hand tell you its going to be ok... but he is the one that hurts you. WOW.

    Screams absolute desperation, and anguish at needing kindness, just a simple hold of the hand... but it doesn't come. Brilliant, really liked that, it tugged at my hart, it really did.

    Great job!
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by PaulHudson | [ Reply to This ]
      amazing... i loved it. no specific scheme and i still loved it. i have to agree with dreamer, those are also my favorite lines, along with the morse-code lullaby. beautifully done. absolutely gorgeous.
    _Kat
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by PsychoBabble214 | [ Reply to This ]
      This truely is a poem 2 admire, very beautiful, sad but very nice. You lack the solid rythm that many poets have, but who's to say u can only use 1 rhyme scheme per poem? So rock on chick, and very nicely done
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by Aprie Chick | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautiful poem. It has a somewhat forgotten poetic feel to it, that demands respect. As if it really is nothing but a retell. I must say the style is extremely handsome. I especially love the lines:

    "10,000 lines carved into stones
    10,000 more before I’m free"


    Much admiration,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    86799

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry