[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: My hippie with beautiful eyesdots

    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1142
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 859

       John has beautiful eyes. This piece was a twenty minute spew of how much of an awesome friend he is and how much I luff him.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy hippie with beautiful eyesdots

    He's a bad boy,
    Adorable in corduroy,
    With a gauged ear,
    Lacking evident fear.

    The secrets torn as I lay dying,
    Just truth, promise me no lying,
    Connect with my mind,
    My hippie so kind.

    Rays of sun come through the barn door,
    And it's smokey, and I want some more,
    The wraiths are beautiful, you say,
    As we sat cross-legged in mounds of hay.

    Drummers do it with rhythm you know,
    He's as individual as a flake of fresh snow,
    Electric tape and black ankle socks,
    John Kogut fucking rocks.

    He knows how to smoke that cigarette,
    Blows shotguns that can make a girl wet,
    But he's still just John boy with a charming smile,
    To help a friend he'd walk on flypaper over a mile.

    Submitted on 2006-01-08 15:27:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It was so sweet, and haphazard in that wonderful way. It makes me grin.
    I really liked it alot, and it left me in a good mood. I hope things can continue between you like this.
    The rhyming and rhythm were excellent.
    I can understand what your saying, as well as what i think which is rare in most poems. It's not so dreary or just blah like most poems on this site.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]
      I love that. I think I'm kind of speechless. It's really the best I've read in a while. I have nothing negative to say. My favorite part is:

    "Rays of sun come through the barn door,
    And it's smokey, and I want some more,
    The wraiths are beautiful, you say,
    As we sat cross-legged in mounds of hay."

    That is awesome. I love every word. Very nicely done

    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting nice rhyming and flow. background music seemed to play in my head while i read this. it seems like a throw on, you know something that just came to you. some of the lines didnt really flow well with others but the overall quality made for a nice read. keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by withouthope | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]