Reborn in your voice by Poly Jean

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Submission Name: Reborn in your voice dots

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Author:	Poly Jean
ASL Info:	31/f/FarAway
Elite Ratio:	4.46 - 382/259/68
Words:	130

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	378
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	901

Description:

Reborn in your voice dots

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Seeing your face, I know
I wouldn’t recognize you
but your voice, I’ll know
Forever.

Lying succumbed on the floor
washed up on the shore of my own disillusions
you’re carving my soul in the air
making it of delicate vibrations
and cascading amplitudes.
I’m cut by your voice
that’s twisting my insides
I crave to be numb, but peace doesn’t come
while the air escapes my lungs
from the aviary of my ribcage
the petrified bird flaps away.
That beating mess,
that bloody ball of confusion
naked and exposed
a soul reborn in your voice
existence regained
that will embrace and celebrate pain
‘cause not knowing the pain
is not really hearing your voice
and how could I ever deprive myself
of such sublime beauty.

Submitted on 2006-01-08 18:24:14 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Wow, the writer or the muse behind the writer has shown just how fully they have given themselves over to the owner of this voice. May i never succumb to such absolute dominance in days that I have remaining on this screwed up planet we call Earth.
| Posted on 2007-09-02 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
  this was a great poem to read.
the whole time i was reading it,
i had goose bumps!
keep up the great work!

x x x Mandi
| Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by Is this love? | [ Reply to This ]
  wierldy happened to read this poem whilst listening to jeff bucklys version of hallelujah, which i find the most gut wrenching, soulfull, passionate, torturous (oh so many adjectives!!) song i`ve ever heard, sung by the most angelic voice i`ve ever heard and you describe perfectly what i experience when hear that song...bizarre coincidence!! i was wailing inside with the exquisite beauty and pain as i always do when i hear it and you reading your words spelt out exactly my feelings! especially liked the line
'you`re carving my soul in the air'
a beautiful way of putting it. i found it a very visual piece and strangely physical, not sure what i mean by that.
i would only say i perhaps agree about looking at the beginning to try and match the passion in the rest.
very beautiful and evocative words, thanks very much for this read...xx
| Posted on 2006-02-19 00:00:00 | by the insomniac | [ Reply to This ]
  Holy crap! I understand this poem perfectly. I know how it feels to be brought down by the sound of a single voice, but to long for the same voice when you cannot hear it.

"The one voice that you yearn to hear is the first one that will draw your tear"

Well that just popped into my head while thinking over your poem, I might just write that down, lol. Actually I just did. Well thank you for allowing us to read such a poem, and good luck, I hope you write more.
~Rob~
| Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem on many levels not the least of which is the strong emotive voice you have achieved in this piece. Your voice here is reminiscent of romantic writers like Dylan and Byron. You have, for the most part, encapsulated the feeling of being moved by art (music/singing) and captured that moment of anguish/joy (what I call "beautiful agony") from the audience - observer perspective while still fleshing out the performer and giving him prominence in the piece. In other words this poem wasn't merely that song moved me but rather that song moved like this x and because y. I did think there were a few ruff spots in the poem. Primarily in the L5 with succumbed... and the tense change from the past to the present in L7. However, the transition into "delicate vibrations..." is wonderful and captivating as is the "aviary"/ rib cage connection. I was not convinced by L10 with "cut" and then into twisting, the metaphors conflict and don't flow into each other. I would suggest gripped or held or even captive in L10 which paves the way for L11 and twisting. Otherwise the rest of the piece moves nicely. One last thing, in the end the piece becomes wordy and abstract rather then visual and illustrative, you might consider one last image to encapsulate the afterglow or emotional hmm.
I know I'm guilty of the same thing in many my poems so there, we share that in common. More than that, we seem to have a similar poetic voice and choice of themes.

This poem reminds a bit of the Roberta Flack song "killing me softly" covered by the fugees in the mid 90's and recently by Alicia Keys only in respect to the interplay between performer and audience.

Nice write, let me know if you adjust it at all -

Marco

| Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Car va g o | [ Reply to This ]
  Very unique and insightful feeling to this poem. I agree there is something physical about it. I think the use of birds with the ribcage give it a sense of strength. I think of intense butterflies in the stomach, but not until reading it a few times did I understand the correlation. Very subtle, yet powerful.
| Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Visi | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh my gosh.
I kept checking to see when you would post something, and whoa. This piece is so vivid, graphic, passionate. I really love it. Part of me wants to pick it apart to find areas of improvement, but I'm telling that part to shut up and enjoy this. Okay just a couple things, The beginning should be revised to match the language and passion of the rest of the piece.
I'm no expert on grammar, but i'm not sure if "disillusions" is the right word there. I like disillusionment, or maybe delusions.
I really enjoyed the read.
Nicely
| Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]

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