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    dots Submission Name: unforgiving paindots

    Author: my pain
    ASL Info:    16/F/aust
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 191/123/39
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 887
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 529

       sort of a should i write it should i not piece, just tell em wat u think thanx

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsunforgiving paindots

    Her words forgotten, twisted,
    surrounded by an unforgiving pain,
    Her wrists, her mind have been inflicted,
    a dead will... she has no more left to give.

    cold with the deception of defeat.
    ...Her smile, so beautiful...so broken...
    Bound to her sorrow dug too deep,
    The light shines away from her saddned fate.

    Captured in her lost mind,
    griped, by a burning hand,
    to happiness she is blind...
    she will daut the borders of insanity

    Submitted on 2006-01-09 01:27:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This poem had a lot of emotion in it - I could almost feel the brokeness of this female being battered and bruised from everythang around her. It's kinda sad, actually. And when I thought about it, there's so many people out there like this girl in your poem, and it's really depressing. But, I thought it was a good write.
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by K-Beezy | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the emotions put into this. i think you might have put a little bit of yourself in here perhaps. i'm not gona even put the line i liked best b/c it's all great, but if i had to chose one it would be the one everyone else has chosen. thx for the read.

    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      "Her smile, so beautiful...so broken.."
    this line was particularly powerful
    it was sad, and you managaed to convey your emotions very well... glad that i read it

    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      there was alot of emotion in this peice that is very evident. as well as the feeling that is kinda overpowering is the despair and hoplessness of someone at the end of their rope and had nowhere to turn to.i had favorite parts through out all three stanzas but my faveorite line was
    "...Her smile, so beautiful...so broken." i thought that this line was just more prominent and just held alot of power more so than the rest of the peice although the whole thing was very strong and emotional. either way great write thank you for posting it...Joy
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      This is real sad but very well written
    I saw an image of a female child sitting at a desk coloring a coloring book with a big smile because she was with her best friend the coloring book
    I dont know why I saw that image but you really captured that vision perfectly
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      >>Her smile, so beautiful...so broken...<<

    That was awesome.
    I really enjoyed this poem, there was a lot of emotion in it.
    Smile and Keep Writing
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]

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